Humor – Page 22 – Femdom Resource

What would your mother say

Via Spanking Blog comes an entertaining story of how an indiscreet spanking led to an awkward parental conversation. Followed by an even more awkward awakening of long dormant parental kink. I’m not sure what would embarrass me more. My parents finding out about my kinks, or me discovering theirs.

It actually puts me in mind of a conversation I’ve had about this topic with a close friend of mine. She knows about my kinky preferences and has raised the question of what I share with my family. She has a young daughter and hates the thought the she might grow up concealing a huge part of her identity. I understand that. If something’s important to their child it’s important to the parent. At the same time I can’t begin to imagine having that kind of conversation with my parents. The endless analysis of my childhood and exactly where they went wrong would drive me insane. Nobody needs to hear how their toilet training simply must be related to their interest in S&M. Amateur psychology, parental guilt and embarrassing sexual details might make great subjects for a Woody Allen film, but I don’t need it whenever my family are in town.

At least the original story gives me a chance to feature an entertaining spanking themed shot. I’m not sure if this is a plea for mercy or a prayer for punishment. Either way I suspect this ends with that hairbrush getting deployed at speed.

I found this on the Led Marriage and Chastity (aka Carolus666) tumblr. It’s originally from Lina’s House of Discipline.

Cross-dressing meth priest liked sex in rectory

This is another post that isn’t particularly femdom themed. It also features the third kinky priest I’ve blogged about in the last week or so. But when I saw the title of the article, as replicated above, I couldn’t resist posting it. The San Francisco Chronicle carried the story in question, and pretty much nailed it in the heading.

The chronology of events isn’t exactly clear from the write-up. Becoming a Catholic priest was obviously step one. Not a great career choice in my view, but fair enough. From that I think he moved onto the cross dressing and having sex with men in the rectory (make your own pun up there). Good for him on that progression. Then he opened an adult video store, possibly the one fact they didn’t manage to cram into the title. Again, I think that’s a perfectly fine and respectable thing to do. Finally, he concluded his richly decorated resume by manufacturing and dealing meth. That’s the point I have to part company with him. It’s a disappointing move for a man of God.

My favorite line in the whole crazy article is…

rectory personnel became concerned and notified diocese officials when Wallin, sometimes dressed as a woman, would entertain odd-looking men, some who were also dressed in women’s clothing and engaging in sex acts.

It makes me wonder – did they need all those things in place before they became concerned? Would the cross-dressing have been OK, but the sex acts really put it over the edge?

I’ll leave you with a cross-dressing image, courtesy of Kimberly Wilder, that’s at little more aligned with a femdom theme. I think she’s being teased with the key to her chastity belt.

Dear Abby

Pauline Phillips, more commonly known as the columnist Dear Abby, died on Wednesday. You can read her NY Times obituary here. Not having grown up in the US, she wasn’t a big part of my cultural background, but I’d certainly seen and enjoyed her writing.

Reading advice columns is always a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. It’s fun to either feel smug at coming to the same conclusion as the columnist or indignant at how foolish their advice is. Not to mention the ‘sightseeing at the asylum’ element of occasionally encountering a nutty letter from a bewildered person in a strange situation. Dan Savage, writing in his tribute to Dear Abby, quoted what is by far the best and most concise response I’ve ever seen in an advice column.

Dear Abby: Two men who claim to be father and adopted son just bought an old mansion across the street and fixed it up. We notice a very suspicious mixture of company coming and going at all hours—blacks, whites, Orientals, women who look like men and men who look like women. This has always been considered one of the finest sections of San Francisco, and these weirdos are giving it a bad name. How can we improve the neighborhood? — Nob Hill Residents

Dear Residents: You could move.

In tribute to those women who dress like men and vice-versa, here’s an entertaining image I found on the sex is not the enemy tumblr. Personally I always appreciate a woman in a sharp suit.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for the image.

Do to yourself as you’d have others do to you

I was recently entertained by the story of a Catholic priest who locked himself in handcuffs and had to call 911 to escape them. The linked article even has the audio of the call, complete with the dispatcher asking where he was (the rectory) and did he work there (he admitted he did). The thing I found surprising wasn’t the restraint loving priest, but the slightly incredulous tone of the dispatcher. In a previous life I spent some months working with operators answering emergency calls and, like ER doctors, nothing seemed to really faze them. They’d heard it all before.

Part of me feels a little sorry for the good Father. I’m sure a lot of kinky people experimented with self-bondage when they were young. I know I did, and it was more good luck than judgement that saved me from any similarly embarrassing public situations. On the other hand the priest in question works for Bishop Thomas Paprocki. His various claims to fame include blaming the lawsuits resulting from the Catholic child abuse scandal on the devil, attacking gay marriage as discrimination against Christians and preaching that voting Democrat will send you to hell. Anyone keeping company with a fine ‘Christian’ like that doesn’t get a lot of sympathy from me.

Next time the kinky clergyman feels the urge to restrain himself from sin, he should find himself a Nun to help out. She can take care of the handcuff keys and also any flagellation that might be necessary for such a naughty priest. Perhaps the young lady below would be willing to ensure he repents properly?

You might be surprised to learn that this very authentically costumed ‘nun’ has not actually taken her holy vows. It’s the model Miranda Kerr, as photographed by Greg Kadel for Numéro magazine. I originally stumbled across it on the Kinky Games tumblr.

Domestic bliss at Wayne Manor

Catwoman with a whip is not an unusual sight. At least not for anyone hanging out in the kind of tumblr’s I frequent. But Batman knitting? That was a new one to me. He looks pretty happy about it as well.

A little research led me to this post, which says this is from Bemused Magazine (BEM) a comic fanzine from the 70’s and 80’s. It was drawn by Brian Bolland, a very well known and talented British comic book artist.

I found this on the Submissive Geek tumblr. Fans of the great Julie Newmar as catwoman may also enjoy this post on that same site. It features her in a selection of animated gifs.

Curing my hysteria

Buying Christmas gifts for friends is always tricky. You don’t want to create a problem for them by sticking them with something they don’t like or can’t use. My circle of friends often defaults to wine, which leads to a lot of pointless circulating of bottles between us. Fortunately I have one friend with imagination, and she got me one of my best presents ever – a vintage vibrator.

The device in question can be seen below, with a couple of alternate angles here and here. She actually inherited it from a relative who collected antiques and vintage mechanical/electrical devices. Apparently her partner commented that it looked like it’d be very painful and you’d have to be crazy to allow it anywhere near your private parts. For some odd reason that immediately brought me to her mind, and I therefore had the pleasure of unwrapping it in a busy Seattle restaurant. I’m sure our server at least got a smile out of it.

Anyone surprised that vintage vibrators even exist should check out this article on their history. They were originally developed to ‘cure hysteria’ in women around the end of the nineteenth century. In a nice bit of Victorian double-think, since women weren’t sexual then using a device to induce a ‘hysterical paroxysm’ wasn’t sexual either. It was just a useful medical technique. They were even openly advertised in housekeeping magazines of the time. Here’s an advert I managed to track down for my very own device. Apparently I can look forward to a clear beautiful complexion and wonderfully attractive hair.

From a kinky perspective, the most dangerous bit looks to be the old frayed power cord. Nobody wants to get involved in some inadvertent electrical play at 120V.

Although vibrators are traditionally associated with inducing pleasure they can also be used for some interesting orgasm torture. Forced, ruined and denied orgasms are all fun kinky options. The shot below features Lexi Sindel forcing an orgasm for a man in chastity, which must be particularly uncomfortable. You can click through on the image to see the animated gif at the Femdom Empire blog.

I session naked

Here’s an entertaining youtube clip that’s been floating around the BDSM forums for a while. It’s pretty much audio only, so don’t expect any animation to spring to life. It’s certainly not indicative of the majority of pro-dommes, but it is an entertaining take on a very small subset. Enjoy!

A suspension scene (for my disbelief)

A few posts ago I made a remark to the effect that frequent use of a safeword suggested somebody was doing something wrong. Femi then left a comment containing this…

I know at least one submissive who sees ProDommes, and doesn’t feel he got this money’s worth if he doesn’t safeword. He wants to be pushed that far.

I found that interesting, as I’d never thought to play like that, and it instinctively felt wrong to do. I don’t mean wrong in a pejorative or objective sense. If that’s the way you play then by all means have at it and good luck to you. I meant wrong for me personally. However, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. It took a couple of days of pondering to really get a handle on it.

I think it ultimately comes down to control. I like to be pushed in a session, but I also like to feel I have no control over it. Knowing that I’m always going to safeword gives me a decision point that will constantly be in the back of my mind. A session structured around a climatic moment where I take back control seems like the wrong focus. In reality I can always stop any scene at any time (despite having no official safeword when playing with Lydia). But I prefer to immerse myself in the idea that I have no options, suspend my disbelief, and let the domme decide when it’s over.

I suspect part of this is the difference between being a pure masochist and being a submissive masochist. I’m generalizing here, but I’d say the pure masochist is interested mainly in sensations. It’s an inward focus on his pain. I enjoy that as well, but I get off more on the enjoyment of the sadist. It’s an outward focus on her, almost to the point of becoming disembodied. My physical presence is no longer my own. To safeword therefore feels like taking something away from the domme and breaking that spell. To a pure masochist it’s simply an indication that a certain threshold in pain has been successfully reached (or not reached in some cases).

The comic is from the entertaining Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. I might start trying this approach in meetings and seeing what reaction I get. Although some of our more brutal design reviews might genuinely benefit from the idea!

Girls with slingshots

I recently stumbled across the Girls with Slingshots comic and have been enjoying catching up with it. And by ‘catching up’ I mean reading from first to last in consecutive evenings over several glasses of wine. It’s funny, smart and beautifully drawn. It also manages to treat sex as a normal part of life, rather than ignoring it or using it purely for shock value.

It helps that one of the characters, Clarice, is a dominant woman. In fact a geeky, smart, dominant librarian, which is a combination I wouldn’t describe myself as averse to. I also like the fact that her sexuality is treated seriously, in that it’s the basis for jokes but not the butt of them. However, it is a bit unfortunate that the artist chose to make her work as a part time pro-domme. As regularly readers of this blog are no doubt aware, I’m a big fan of pro-dommes, but the stereotype that dominant woman equals pro-domme does get a little old. It’d be nice to see a woman portrayed who can simply enjoy her dominant nature without feeling the need to turn it into a money spinner.

The BDSM lingo and protocols are pretty accurately depicted, but I do have to quibble with the first comic below. Either he’s a bad submissive and using his safeword incorrectly, or he’s wrong about her skills. Being a good dominant is not about how quickly you can get the submissive to cry uncle!

These three comics come from a short sequence featuring Clarice starting here. You can see the sequence where her friends discover her secret life starting here. There’s a few comics on her dating life starting here, and a storyline here where she deals with a very unsuitable suitor. However, I highly recommend browsing the entire comic. It’s a very well executed piece of art.

Simplify your vagina

My latest favorite way to kill a few minutes between emails is the Least Helpful site. It bills itself as ‘Daily Dispatches from the Internet’s Worst Reviewers’, and contains everything from sensitive Nazi’s to olfactory innovators.

As far as this blog goes, there are a few sex related ones. I kind of liked the guy trying to cure the aches and pains in his G-Spot, and the very unimaginative handcuff purchaser. Not to mention the guy who seems to have penises on the brain (and in the ears). But my absolute favorite was this review for She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. I’ve no idea if the book is good, but I did learn something about the reviewer.

Women, simplify your vaginas. Make it work without making us read long books on a useless topic

I might be going out on a limb here, but something tells me he may not be a particularly sensitive and selfless lover. Or all that knowledgeable about female anatomy.

The obvious answer for him is that he should just stick to the cock. I’m guessing he’s pretty experienced with his own. If he has any difficulty I’m sure someone like Mistress T would be happy to guide him in the right direction.

Should by some miracle he find himself a lady who’ll let him near her very complex lady parts, she could try a firm hand to encourage him to learn. But I suspect the best plan is just to take him out of the equation altogether, in the manner of the image below. That’ll keep things nice and simple for him.

I found this on the Thoughts of a Dork (aka ephanyroyce) tumblr. It’s originally from Divine Bitches.