Tag: Mainstream

The Pleasure Revolution

The Guardian has an interesting article on female sexual pleasure featuring five women speaking out on the topic. It packs in a lot of complex issues, and left me wanting to hear more from everyone interviewed. From the perspective of this blog, the most relevant voice was the last one featured, that of Reba Maybury. The article labels her as a dominatrix, but she seems to be part performance artist, part political agitator and part pro-domme. It’s hard to tell from the article if kink is an intrinsic part of her life or just an interesting tool for exploring power dynamics and gender politics.

What struck me as particularly odd was this section…

A socialist of mixed-race background, Maybury only dominates white, preferably right-wing, men. “I can’t force myself to be even fictionally cruel to any other type of man. It makes the performance a lot easier,” she says. “I could never be mean to someone who wasn’t white, because the world is run by white men, isn’t it?”

To a kinky submissive person such as myself that seems …. odd. Her white, right-wing male clients will doubtless enjoy being dominated. That is after all why they reach out to her. I’m sure being called selfish, disgusting, misogynistic assholes is exactly what some of them desire. On the other hand, a non-white or left-wing man who would also enjoy being dominated, has to go without. So she meets the needs of those she dislikes and withholds it from those she supports. That doesn’t seem optimal.

I think it’s absolutely possible to mix kink and progressive politics. For example, as I covered here with Mistress Couple and the Trump voters. I also love the idea of Dominatrix Maybury getting her right wing submissives to help her create a book whose profits go to sex workers. That’s a fabulous concept. But as she recognizes at the end of the article, our kinks and our politics align in complex ways and they don’t necessarily influence each other. If you want to punish wealthy white conservatives, then maybe don’t beat or humiliate them if that’s what makes their dicks hard?

I’m not sure who this man voted for, but he’s a white guy in a suit, so there’s at least a chance he matches up with Reba Maybury’s criteria. The sexy bondage here comes courtesy of the TS Seduction site.

Kitty O’Neil

Welcome to another post in my occasional series on women who were awesome without necessarily being dominant in the BDSM sense. In the past this series has included motorcycle racers, resistance fighters, film stars and aristocratic swashbucklers. The newest entrant into this series is all around daredevil and badass Kitty O’Neil, who died recently aged 72.

You might not know the name, but the odds are you’ve seen her in action at some point. She was the stuntwoman for the original Wonder Woman TV series, as well as movies like the Blues Brothers and Smokey and the Bandit. She also set water speed records (275 mph), water skiing records (105 mph), land speed records (512 mph average, peaking at 621 mph) and participated in tough off road races like the Baja 500 and Mint 400. If all that wasn’t enough, she did it after overcoming spinal meningitis in her teens and two bouts of cancer  in her 20’s. Oh, and she was also deaf, thanks to a childhood combo of measles, mumps and smallpox. What an amazing woman.

This is Kitty performing a 127 foot dive from a hotel balcony for the Wonder Woman TV show.

Thanks for all the Fish

People taking on the role of dogs, ponies and cats in kinky play is pretty common. This image is the first I’ve seen that suggests dolphin might also be a viable pet play option.

Maybe it’s a new approach that Seaworld should consider? Movies like Blackfish have been a PR nightmare for them. How about letting the animals go and replace them with hot athletic submissive swimmers? I’d happily go watch a lady in a bathing suit try and train a naked man to balance a ball or jump through a hoop.

This is by the photographer Vassilis Pitoulis and entitled The Bait.

You’re a dirty, dirty voter

Given the US midterms are upon us (Go Vote! Go Vote!) it seems an appropriate time to feature this article by Justin Lehmiller on the differing sexual fantasies of liberals and conservatives. Lehmiller, who is a fellow at the Kinsey institute, surveyed thousands of American adults and discovered that while the frequency of fantasizes is shared, the subject matter isn’t.

Republicans thought a lot about swinging, infidelity, orgies and cuckolding. In contrast Democrats kinked on BDSM, masochism and D/s dynamics, leading Stephen Colbet to have some fun with the survey on his show.  Lehmiller attributes these differences to a theory called reactance, where people are drawn to what is forbidden to them. So conservatives, who traditionally support strong social structures and group cohesion, are drawn to activities that would disrupt that. Liberals, who prioritize individual freedom and caring for others, are similarly excited by dynamics that impose control and punishment. I’m not quite sure where that leaves people like myself, who find all of the above exciting. Does that make me a swing voter or just a pervert?

I hadn’t intended to turn this into yet another book themed post, but the discussion of conservative and liberal values reminds me of one of the best books I read this year – The Righteous Mind.  This is a total aside, as it’s not related to kink at all, but if you’re at all interested in psychology and how people reason about politics and religion, it’s absolutely worth reading. As someone from the liberal side of the fence it definitely gave me a better understanding and appreciation of the conservative mindset.*

In the spirit of bipartisanship, I’ll leave you with an image that should appeal to all. There’s clearly an orgy and voyeuristic angle here, as well as a BDSM one. It’s by sylverarts.

* I should qualify that when I talk about the conservative mindset, I’m talking about the traditional conservative values, not what Trump and the GOP have morphed them into. Trump is to conservatism as Bernie Madoff is to the financial planning industry.

Martini with a Twist

My favorite part of any yoga session is drinking the gin martini at the end of it. Admittedly that particular finishing position (seated, legs crossed at ankles, glass stem firmly held in the right hand, lemon twisted) is my own particularly innovation, and not found in the more traditional yoga schools. However, I find it’s just the thing to achieve true relaxation after physical exertion.

Judging by this image, Blake Lively obviously shares my love of the gin martini with a twist. She’s even using a gin I like from the Pacific Northwest. The combination of a naked man with a kitchen countertop is more questionable. Particularly given this particular position hints at pegging. I think I’m safe in saying that nobody wants any santorum near their kitchen surfaces or their martini.

This was from Blake Lively’s instagram feed and is a promotion shot (I think) for her latest movie A Simple Favor.

Imagine the Spinoffs

It is generally said that all technology innovation is either driven by sex or quickly co-opted for sexual purposes. Apparently, at least according to this SMBC comic, the telegraph was no exception. Perhaps morse code should be a new mode option for Tens units?

As an interesting but sad historical sidenote – Samuel Morse was actually inspired to explore rapid long distance communication after his wife died and he missed her final days and burial. Heartbroken that he’d not been informed of her failing health, he set himself to create something faster than a man on a horse carrying a letter.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I’ve been watching episodes from the original Monty Python television show (1969-74). The films and the famous sketches are now a familiar part of modern comedy culture, but it’s interesting to go back and look at the original work it all sprang from. The classics are still there of course, together with a fair number of gems that never quite made it beyond the TV episodes and a lot of dross that is probably best left forgotten. One thing that stands out in hindsight is their inability to write for women. Carol Cleveland does the best she can, but she’s basically used as an attractive prop. The guys got dragged up for any more interesting female roles.

I mention all this here because of a particular sketch –  Marriage Guidance Counselor. I remember watching this as a young teenager and being strangely and strongly aroused by it. Admittedly, I was a young teenager in the days before internet porn, so the set of things that I found arousing was pretty large. A breeze striking my trouser region at the right angle would have worked, so Carole Cleveland in a low cut top definitely did the trick. However, there were a lot of other sketches featuring her or similarly attractive actresses, and none of those stuck in my mind like this one did. In hindsight, I wonder if the cuckold element resonated with me? It’d weird to think that, because at the time I had zero idea about kink, let along something as complex as cuckolding. Yet perhaps the fundamental idea of sex twisted by betrayal and denial was already lurking in my psyche? Was it a proto-kink waiting to be named and understood? Or was it was just that low cut top all along?

This is the beautiful Carol Cleveland herself, obviously in a non-Python promo shot.

Side Eye

This is a lovely old shot from the era of Weimar Berlin. The two figures are Margo Lion and Wilhelm Bendow, cabaret performers from 1927. She looks fabulously composed and stylish. He makes me think of every date I’ve ever been on. There’s a touch of cat and mouse about the pair, assuming that mice brought flowers for cats prior to being eaten.

I believe I found this on the twitter feed of Severin.

Working from Different Baselines

This article – The female price of male pleasure – isn’t femdom and isn’t even recent (Jan ’18). However, I found it thought provoking and it’s my blog, so here it is.

The basic thrust of the article is that men and women operate on very different scales when it comes to sex and pleasure. For men the range is boring to awesome, for women the range is painful/scary/coercive to awesome. That leads to very different baselines and different normal expectations. On top of that, society has conditioned us to make the male expectation the default one, to the point where people don’t even realize other expectations exist, which in turn distorts any discussion about it.

Although it’s  not about kink and femdom, I think the articles basic point is actually equally applicable to them. If you look around at the online representation of femdom, it would be hard to argue that male pleasure isn’t the primary focus of 95% of it. The dicks might be getting squashed, smacked, beaten, locked up, teased or laughed at, but the dick is still the primary focus. It’s ironic that in a realm where the purported focus is female pleasure and male pain, it’s typically still the women clambering around in the uncomfortable outfits while the men get to sit back and soak in the sensations they crave.

I don’t really have any wise words on how to address this. Hell, this blog is just as guilty of perpetuating the status quo. But if a discussion is going to be productive, all parties have to at least be operating with a shared understanding and a common context. So perhaps just acknowledging the different contexts and baselines that are operating here is a useful first step.

It was tricky to pick and image for this particular topic. I figured a dominant woman enjoying both a candle lit bubble bath and a bound silenced slave to drip hot wax onto was a pretty good representation of what should be pleasure for all concerned. This is Goddess Viper,  a pro-domme based in Manila, with the image taken from her twitter feed. My thanks to Lucy Sweetkill for the original article link.

Kinky Kayaking

I’ve posted in the past about the mainstream news using any excuse to work ‘dominatrix’ into a story headline as clickbait. Typically it’s a random and lazy fashion story like here.  However, this time I really have to give credit to the Maritime Herald, because they had to get seriously creative for this one – A ‘Dominatrix’ Seal Whips a Man Using an Octopus Like a Whip. Whoever came up with that should  be snapped up by a British tabloid, because their ‘skills’ are being wasted at the Maritime Herald.

You might have already seen the story in question. It was one of those cool nature videos that go viral on social media. Basically a seal decides to use a man as a suitably heavy object to bash an octopus against. It takes some real journalistic imagination to jump from there to a dominatrix seal. How do they know it was female seal? Do seals have kinks? If they do, why would they involve humans? Did the octopus have a safeword? Is it bestiality if the guy enjoyed it? So many questions…

Unsurprisingly, there aren’t many image featuring seals as dominatrices. So I’ll go with a sexy vintage scuba shot. Not sure how practical this is, but it’s certainly appealing. Maybe it’s this kind of outfit at the beach that’s given us kinky seals?