Tag: Mainstream

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

The ratio of dominant women to submissive men is a topic of conversation that pops up fairly regularly across femdom blogs and forums. Most submissive men will maintain their are lots more of them than dominant women. In contrast, I’ve observed some dominant women claim that lots of the play events they attend have a ratio close to parity or even skewed to a majority of dominants.

I’ve done my own highly unscientific research in the past, and now OKCupid  have done something a bit more scientific, sampling their userbase. They have a chart showing ‘Turn-ons by gender’, which has good news in general for kinky people, but bad news for people searching for a Femdom relationship.

The good news part is a lot of people seemed to be into general kinkiness. Over 60% of both genders liked of the idea of ‘rough sex’ and over 50% ‘being bitten’. Even enjoying ‘some pain’ was over 30% of both genders. Those numbers are higher than I’d have guessed, although I’m sure the general populace would skew lower than OKCupid users.

The bad news is that the survey terms that tend to be high for both genders don’t differentiate top from bottom. Once you start doing that, then a more stereotypical view of kink emerges. Over 40% of men in this survey like tying people up but less than 20% enjoy being tied up. A majority of them like taking control (~60%) but only around 20% are happy for their partner to take control. Women are pretty much the reverse of that Less than 10% of survey women like taking control or doing the tying. In contrast over 40% like being tied up and over 60% like their partner taking control.

That means, purely from a population size perspective, anyone hunting on OKCupid for an M/f relationship is likely to have a much easier time of it than an F/m one. In terms of the ratios, then it looks roughly like a 2:1 between dominant women to submissive guys. Almost 20% of guys like being tied or giving up control, where a little less than 10% of women enjoy being in charge of the ropes.

This is by the photographer Martin Duerr from a series called The Hotel.

The Kingdom of Women

If you’ve hung around femdom blogs long enough, there’s a good chance you’ll have heard the Mosuo mentioned. They’re an old Chinese community who, as far as I know, are the only example of a matriarchal society in the world. Women sit at the center of their world, with the Grandmother the focus of the family unit, and the traditional idea of marriage doesn’t exist. Relationships are female driven, with men taken as temporary lovers in order to provide sperm or sometimes as longer term partners if their company is deemed enjoyable.

I mention them now because this Guardian article popped up today with a detailed description of their culture, in both its positive and negative aspects. Although it seems a very feminist culture, the focus on motherhood and children undercuts that initial impression. Women are in control, but that control stems from their role as mothers. The idea of not having children isn’t considered one of their choices.

Of course, as so often happens, unique and unusual cultures tend to get distorted and then ultimately destroyed when they come into contact with the modern Westernized world. The Mosuo are no exception. If you’re interested in learning more about them before that happens, the article is based on a book by Choo Waihong.

I believe this image of a non-traditional twist on a traditional Western marriage look features Jake and Pum Lefebure and was photographed by Dean Alexander.

Madame Nhu

I’m currently halfway through reading Neil Sheehan’s ‘A Bright Shining Lie.‘ It’s a fascinating book on the many (many) stupid things America did in the 1960’s in Vietnam. The reason I mention here is the figure of Madame Nhu. She was the sister-in-law of President Diem, who ruled – with American support – from 1955 to his overthrow and assassination in 1963.

By most accounts she was a fairly terrible person and associated with an awful regime. She was also very forceful and dominated the men around her. She bullied her younger brother when they were children and dominated the men in the Diem government, yelling and shouting to get her way. She once stated that “Power is wonderful. Total power is totally wonderful.” Sheehan describes her household like so…

The servants were all men. They would shuffle in bent over in a low bow, bow lower, and acknowledge her commands with a long “Daaa…” (the D pronounced like a Z), a servile form of “yes” for servants in old, aristocratic households; then they would shuffle back out still bent over.

Of course, in reading it now, one also has to allow for the racism and sexism of the time. Women from Asia were stereotyped as either sexy and submissive or evil scheming seducers. The US media called her the ‘Dragon Lady’, which made no sense to the Vietnamese, and Defense Secretary McNamara described her “…as bright, forceful, and beautiful, but also diabolical and scheming—a true sorceress.”

She proved to be lucky as well. When her husband and brother-in-law’s regime was overthrown in a coup, she was is the US. While they were executed in ’63 with a shot to the back of the head, she lived to be 86, and passed away in 2011 in Europe.

Madame Nhu

Happy International Women’s Day

International Women’s Day has grown in coverage and importance in the US over recent years, which can only be a good thing. This years event gives me a chance to share a couple of quote that I’ve always liked. No doubt a lot of my readers will have heard them before, as they’re far from new, but they still put a smile on my face

The first was from Charlotte Whitton in ’63 – “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.”

The other is about the famous dancer Ginger Rogers and her partner Fred Astaire – “Sure he was great, but don’t forget that Ginger Rogers did everything he did, …backwards and in high heels.” This was originally from a cartoon in ’82 although widely misattributed.

This image is very much not Fred and Ginger. In fact it’s the professional latin dancers Nikolai Voronovich and Maria Nikolishina.

Tom of Finland

I’ll admit it’s a little unusual to feature Tom of Finland on a Femdom blog. He’s undoubtedly a famous figure in BDSM art, but women, dominant or otherwise, don’t really feature too heavily in his oeuvre.

He’s featured in today’s post because there’s a new biopic on him being released, and to promote it a bunch of Finnish celebrities dressed up in leather, much in the style of Tom’s artwork. The lady below is Jenni Vartiainen, a Finnish pop singer. What I really loved about this particular campaign was that they didn’t just get fashion designs, singers and actors to star. They also got an MP and former defense minister Stefan Wallin and, most amazingly of all, the former US ambassador to Finland Bruce Oreck. Both of them also looked pretty good. In a time when US political appointments are very much in the news, it’s nice to see a former one doing something like this. I can’t see too many of the current round of appointees being up for promoting an artist known for hyper masculine homoerotic fetish art.

Jenni Vartiainen

Fun with Feet

This’ll be a short post. I flew back to Seattle tonight after a very enjoyably but tiring weekend in Vegas. Unpacking awaits. In the meantime, I’ll keep the feet theme going from the last post. I don’t feature a lot of foot fetish stuff, as it’s not my kink, and it’s hard to find broadly appealing shots. Endless close-ups of high heels and men licking them get kind of dull. The shot below caught my eye for it’s playfulness.

I believe this is from a mainstream Brazilian series called A Regra do Jogo (English: Rules of The Game). From a Google translation: Giovanna Antonelli has invaded Alexander Nero’s party and demanded he be her sexual slave. Sounds fair to me.

Gaga and Maga

I was planning to write a third and final post on kink and VR tonight, but that’ll have to wait. I’m taking a timeout post to talk about the Grammy’s. I have exactly zero interest in the award show itself, but my eye was caught by two of the outfits on display. I think we actually had both sides of the kinky top/bottom divide represented.

Firstly, there was Lady Gaga in the outfit below. I can’t see a domme ever doing a scene in something like that, but it’s clearly inspired by all the dominatrix fashion cliches. Most of the time when the press reports someone was sporting a dominatrix look it just means they had black boots on, but Lady Gaga really went for it here. That’s a pretty full on fetish outfit.

On the other of the coin, there was Joy Villa sporting a Trump themed ‘Make America Great Again’ outfit. Now I know that might not look kinky, but keep in mind where she’s going. This is a show full of LA liberal showbiz types. The evening was predictably packed with jabs at Trump. So I have to say that’s a pretty masochistic thing to do. It’d be a bit like turning up at a PETA rally in Lady Gaga’s famous meat dress. You have to know you’ll be hated for doing it, so maybe that’s the thrill?

Twitter Tantrum

Amazingly, while I was posting yesterday about the kinky T-Mobile Ads, Verizon and T-Mobile were getting to a ridiculous twitter feud over them. It ended up getting covered in a whole bunch of places, for example here and here. Some people even got upset with Verizon’s line that “Unfortunately no one will hear your safe word if you’re on @Tmobile“. Personally I thought that was kind of funny. Not sure how you get offended by it.

There has been a lot of controversy in the US in recent years over rulings treating corporations as people. Perhaps those opposed to that have been going about it the wrong way. These corporations are acting like people – specifically petulant teenagers on social media. So they should be able to get involved in politics, but only with the allowance they earn from cutting the lawn and taking out our garbage. And if they don’t behave themselves, we’ll ground them and take away their twitter account.

I believe this is the model Elena Berkova enjoying some quality texting time.

Superb Owl

America had some kind of sporting event combined with a pop concert and a product fair on Sunday. Yes, it was once again time for the annual Superb Owl (as coined by Mr. Colbert).

I’m tempted to make a joke about the Falcons being big breathplay fans, given how much choking was involved, but that feels like it’d be a cheap shot. Instead I’ll focus on a couple of the more amusing advertisements. T-Mobile enlisted the excellent Kristen Schaal to spoof Fifty Shades of Grey with this initial ad and then this follow-up. I say it was a 50 SoG spoof, but frankly Kristen’s character seems way more into enjoying kink than any of the characters from that sad series.

Weirdly this isn’t the first time I’ve featured T-Mobile. A few years ago they had an ad with Carly Foulkes on a motorcycle that pushed mine and I’m sure a few other people’s buttons. Somebody in their marketing department clearly has a kinky streak.

I’ll leave you with a shot of a woman doing to a man what the Patriots just did to the Falcons.

I’m afraid I don’t know who shot this. I found it on the Femdom Times site.

Gynecocracy

One particular strand of femdom thinking that’s rarely featured here is Gynecocracy or Matriarchy. That’s not because I’m a big fan of the current patriarchy – and certainly not the very specific patriarch we find ourselves with at the moment. It’s because femdom with gynecocracy typically seems to fall into two camps: The silly and the annoying.

The silly one is the one written by men with one hand in their pants. It seems to assume that once women are in power, they’ll all want to spend an inordinate amount of time dressing in exciting leather outfits, brandishing whips and bossing naked men around. They might do horrible things to the men, but it’ll all be done in a sexily cruel kind of way. Castration may be required, but don’t worry, big buxom nurses in tight outfits will be handling the snip.

The annoying one is the version that simple asserts every household would be better off with a woman in charge. Apparently inside every woman is a domme waiting to get out and take charge. And if she seems unsure about that, it’s the mans job to explain it to her, and insist that she knows best. Or I guess insist that he knows best that she knows best. It all gets a bit recursive at that point.

Personally, I’m all for egalitarianism at a societal level, with local variations of power and control negotiated on a case by case basis. However, if you genuinely harbor Gynarchy fantasies, may I direct your attention to this post by a radical feminist on her version of a women led society. Sexy femdom fun it is not. At first glance it seems like a joke, but judging by the rest of the blog, I think it’s meant to be taken seriously. Kind of ironic that in a post that’s supposed to extol the virtue of female leadership, she puts forward an approach that makes Stalin or Hitler look like models of restrained and sensible governance. Fortunately, she wants to euthanize all the pornographers, so I guess I’ll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

I think this image represents something from the silly camp. It’s Olga Schoberova in the role of Ayesha ruler of Kuma from the Hammer movie ‘The Vengeance of She‘.

Thanks to this ErosBlog post for directing me to the radical feminist blog. Certainly made for some eye opening reading.