You’re plugged!

The last couple of posts have been kind of serious, so it’s probably about time to lighten this blog up a bit. With that idea in mind, I bring you the Donald Trump Butt Plug. That should put a smile on everyone’s face, apart from The Donald.

I’ve always considered Donald Trump a kind of one man comedy show. If you treated his public persona as a kind of advanced performance art piece it can be pretty entertaining. Unfortunately with his immigration comments he crossed the line from buffoon into racist rabble rousing, which does tend to kill the humorous angle. The butt plug in the current design isn’t actually safe to stuff up your ass, but it certainly would make for a striking decorative conversation piece. There aren’t many butt plugs sporting a combover.

Vegetable Butt PlugThis artwork is from Waldo. It looks like a science experiment in progress. I only hope she doesn’t have a marrow on her ‘to try’ list.

Fatal Femme

Is there an official name for a fetish focused on ethically compromised female assassins/sidekicks in movies? If not there really should be. I think I have that one.

Kill Bill is of course packed with this type of character, perhaps most notoriously GoGo Yubari. James Bond had Fatima Blush and Xenia Onatopp. Sin City has deadly little Miho, who might not have been evil, but was certainly amoral. Also in the not evil but also not exactly good we have Black Widow and Angelina Jolie as Mrs Smith. In the comic book realm, and more as evil side kicks rather than assassins, we have Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Dr Girlfriend (who I always found strangely sexy).

The latest character to add to this list is Gazelle from the violent but highly entertaining movie Kingsman. It’s not exactly Citizen Kane, but it is an fine pastiche of Bond movies and the original TV Avengers. I particularly enjoyed watching Gazelle (played by Sofia Boutella) kill people with her prosthetic steel legs. If I ever make it to Supervillain status, hiring someone like her will be right at the top of my list, just after buying a hollowed out volcano for my headquarters and picking out the color swatches for my minions uniforms.

Gazelle1
Gazelle2

Negotiating directions

If you’ve never visited a pro-domme you might expect that setting up a first visit involves discussion around interests, activities and compatibility. You’d probably expect basic instructions on cost and session etiquette. And with a good pro-domme all those things do happen. However, what you might be surprised by is the level of detailed instruction you’ll receive on finding the play space. Often it’s a multi-step process like some sort of complicated blackmail pickup scheme. You have to go to a particular street corner, then call a particular number and await further instructions. Alternatively you’ll get a lengthy email detailing exactly where to park, how to approach the building, what to say if questioned and which doors you should and absolutely should not knock on. There’s one SF playspace that had several pages worth of instructions just on how to get in, and apparently I got the cut down version of it!

Although I’m poking fun here, I absolutely get why people do this. I’m sure most pro-dommes live in dread of idiotic clients pissing off their neighbors and attracting the attention of the law. Nobody needs a horny guy in a gimp suit wandering around the alley behind their house clutching a fistful of hundreds and prostrating themselves on random doorsteps.

If you want to know what can happen when neighbors take an unwelcome interest, just take a look at this story featuring Mistress Evilyne. By all accounts she’d done absolutely nothing wrong. The fact people are quoted as “concerned the children might be exposed to something that they shouldn’t see at their age” makes me instantly hate them. There’s nothing that denotes petty small mindedness more than an appeal to think of the children. However, whatever the rights or wrongs, that didn’t stop the press featuring her whiny neighbors in numerous stories, including one from a national paper I hate too much to link to. Happily most of the comments to this instance of the story, including one from Mistress Evilyne herself, suggest a generally unconcerned and broadminded British public.

Mistress EvilyneThe happy image above is taken from Mistress Evilyne’s site. She’s actually featured in a previous post of mine, at a particularly distinctive London location. If you’re in the Orpington region and would like to see her in person, then her site contains all you need to know. Just try not to slam your car door too loudly when you arrive or accidentally corrupt any of the local children.

Anal terrorists

I couldn’t mention pride festivals without touching on the single funniest story of the weekend. Pride parades are happy occasions, but nothing made me smile as wide as CNN inadvertently did this weekend. They managed to spend 7 minutes of airtime confusing a flag covered in butt plugs and dildos with the flag of a terrorist organization. John Oliver does a far better job of mocking them than I ever could, and you can see his take on it here.

Should any CNN journalist or terrorism ‘expert’ still be confused, I’m sure people would be happy to arrange a demonstration for them. Here for example, is Mistress Eleise De Lacy about to employ a particularly large example. It’s not terrorism, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the gentleman involved had a moment or two of terror when seeing that in her hand.

Mistress Eleise De Lacy and a big butt plug

Patrick Macnee

It has been a bad month for actors I grew up with and that hold a place close to my heart. Christopher Lee passed away a couple of weeks ago. Not just an amazing actor, he was also an incredible human being, who really should have been the star of those Dos Equis ads. Now I’ve just read the sad news that Patrick Macnee, star of the Avengers, has also passed away.

As this article makes clear, Patrick did an amazing job of letting his female stars shine while retaining the balance of the show. It takes quite a talent to play an equal sparring partern alongside Diana Rigg in a catsuit but he managed it. Christopher and Patrick, you’ll be sadly missed. Here’s to all the pleasure you have given people over the years.

The Avengers

Ivy & Harley

Important breaking news – two fictional comic book characters are now dating. The long rumored relationship between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy has now been confirmed from multiple sources. Forget all those other blogs bringing you helpful advice on BDSM, nuanced relationship advice or sharing deeply personal experiences of kink. Reality is for losers. Stick to this one for all the important breaking stories on fictional characters.

I’ve actually featured these two in one or two posts in the past. Kink often seems to crop up in their stories, so facetiousness aside, I do think this is a potentially fun development that may lead to some entertaining storylines.

Poison Ivy & BatmanThe artwork above features Batman with Poison Ivy and is by the artist Otto Schmidt.

Cheap celebrities

Last month I featured a post on Taylor Swift and her recent fetishistic music video. I wasn’t surprised to read in a follow-up article that a lot of the outfits for the video came from the LA based Stockroom. What did astonish me was that they actually returned the majority of the items. Can you do actually do that? It’s not like they hadn’t been used. The evidence is right there in the video. And it was only $13,000 worth of stuff to start with. I’ve no idea what it cost to make that video, but I’d guess the wardrobe was a pretty small fraction of the total.

Personally if I ran the Stockroom I’d have had a special ‘as worn by someone famous’ sale running the moment the used goods came back in my direction. It’s not like they’re running a rental service over there.

Of course this topic does me the perfect excuse to feature someone looking lovely in something fetishistic. This is Ms Ava Zhang, an LA based pro-domme.

Ms Ava ZhangIf you’re in the LA region and interested in seeing her latex collection in person, her etiquette page is here and her contact information here.

Pleasure & Pain

The post title sounds like a lead into something seriously kinky and sexual, but in fact it’s taken from a mainstream exhibition running at the Victoria & Albert Museum – ‘Shoes: Pleasure & Pain‘. There’s a good article on it over at the Guardian, which talks about the history of shoes, and how they’ve been intertwined with culture, fashion, sex and fetishism. This particularly bit made me smile…

For a few decades in the middle of the 17th century, there was a fashion for ladies’ indoor shoes to come attached to a flat panel, which joined the bottom of the high heel to the toe. Not only did this lift the wearer above imaginary dirt and clod-hopping Puritans, it also provided a satisfying sound as the shoe made contact with the floor. Soon that flat-footed slap, which could be heard several beats before the wearer entered the room, became the mark of real lady.

I don’t particularly fetishize footwear, but I can still appreciate the the click of a heel and the sound of a strutting boot on a hard floor. It’s a pretty effective mood setter, particularly when someone is tied down and can’t easily turn to see what’s happening. I often find myself smiling at the cliche of it, but enjoying it all the same.

BootsThis rather beautiful drawing is from the Croquis Nocturne tumblr. From the posts on the tumblr I’d guess that the artist is also the tumblr owner. Worth checking out if you appreciate this image.

Good doggies

Stories about people on leashes seem to have been popping up in my browser recently. First, there was this story about Britney Spears walking a guy on a leash during her stage show. Apparently she does it as part of every show, but this made the news because it was C list celeb rather a random member of the public. Pulling people out from the audience is nothing new for bands. U2 did a great job of incorporating it into their shows. Green Day used to get audience members to play with them. Sticking an audience member on a leash is a new one to me however.

The other story was about a couple kicked out of a mall because the woman was being walked on a leash. There was also a good follow-up article I spotted on them. Personally, while public play doesn’t do much for me, I like seeing people having fun and doing something different. Public spaces should be for everyone. I have to put up with bad fashion, crappy music and screaming kids in malls. The least other people can do is tolerate a happy looking couple with a leash.

PublicPlayThis is a striking trio, but I think even I’d draw the line at people shopping like this. I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this image.

What would Miss Manners say?

As eye catching headlines go this one takes some beating – A Princess Once Dueled A Countess Over Floral Arrangements… Topless. It’s got aristocracy, violence, naked ladies and flower arranging all in one sweet bundle. It sounds like something from a 1960’s B movie, but apparently women dueling in the late 19th century was seen as a progressive act.  This was therefore an emancipated duel. I’m not sure acting as stupidly as men did is really progress, but I guess it made some sort of sense in the context of the time.

Probably the most famous female swordswomen from history would be Julie d’Aubigny, who I’ve covered here in a previous post. I don’t think she ever fought topless or over a bunch of flowers. In more recent years we had the famous documentary on the killing of Bill. I believe the duel below was triggered by a disagreement over wedding arrangements, so I guess little has changed over the last hundred or so years.

Kill Bill Scene