Mistress – Page 57 – Femdom Resource

Alpha to Omega

Peroxide put up an interesting post recently about the desire for a man who is both a submissive and an alpha male.

I’ve been seeing a familiar refrain when dommes describe their male partners, usually along the lines of: “you would never know he’s submissive outside the bedroom” or “in his professional life he’s a real alpha male, but to me he’s submissive.”
Peroxide

He makes some interesting points and the post had a number of thoughtful and positive comments, so it’s worth reading the whole thing. It caught my attention because I’ve also noticed similar themes in blogs and forums, but I decode them slightly differently. Of course I’m not a dominant woman, and have no special insight into this particular desire. But I’ve never let a silly thing like an absence of facts or a lack of domain knowledge get in the way of my opinions before, and don’t see why I should start now.

I should begin by saying I really hate the alpha/beta terminology. It’s a reduction past the point of absurdity. No person is one thing in all situations at all times. I recently saw a comment about Ted Conferences, where someone claimed that they used to be all about the alpha males, the CEOs, but now it was full of the beta VPs. That’s perhaps an accurate description from a purely biological perspective, but it’s ludicrous given the common usage of the word. The alpha to omega classification might make sense when you’re a pride of lions, but doesn’t map at all to the kind of fluid dynamic social structures humans inhabit.

Peroxide attributes part of this common desire for an ‘alpha’ as a reaction to very non-alpha associated kinks.

Part of it I think is pushing back against the over-prevalent, sissy/forced-femme/cuckold submale fantasy that that is being pushed as the way that Femdom works.
Peroxide

I agree with the reaction part, but I’m not sure I would assign it narrowly to that specific stimulus. For one thing I don’t think that particular set of kinks are ‘being pushed’ as widely as sometimes gets attributed. They also sound like perfectly reasonable ways to play for couples that enjoy it. The use of ‘submale fantasy’ suggests those are purely male driven desires, when that’s clearly not exclusively the case.

What I’ve observed from these kind of discussions is that the desire isn’t typically for an extroverted, aggressive, alpha group leader (although it can be). It’s more to avoid a passive, unimaginative, needy wet blanket who needs to be micro-managed. I think some men interpret submissive as ‘You need to tell me what to do, I no longer should need to think.” That’s isn’t an attractive quality for most women, dominant or not.

I remember one female blogger (although I don’t remember exactly who) relating how she’d gone for dinner with a prospective submissive and he’d insisted on having her order for him, and then when that didn’t go down well, ordering exactly what she’d ordered. That was his idea of being a submissive. In many ways that kind of behavior reminds me of guys who think emailing penis shots is an appropriate introduction on a dating site. It’s a way of treating the other person as simply a delivery mechanism for their personal sexual fantasy.

I’d suggest that confidence, competence and empathy are three of the most desired characteristics. That’s the ability to understand what the other person wants, and the ability to provide it in a drama free fashion, no alpha chest beating required. Of course, I haven’t exactly been tearing up the kinky dating scene recently (or ever), so caveat emptor.

For images I’ve gone with some shots of men making themselves useful. The first came via the GeekDomme tumblr. The second is another image from Domina M.

Added John Willie to Femdom Artwork

John Willie is normally considered more of a general BDSM and fetish artist than a femdom one. However, he’s really a pioneering figure, setting the standard for a lot of the great BDSM artists that came after him. Given that fact, and that a lot of his work is F/f, I think he’s a very appropriate artist to add my femdom artwork pages.

Pillow muncher

I remember the insults ‘pillow muncher’ and ‘pillow biter’ being thrown around the playground when I was at junior school. That’d be around the age of 7 or 8. It took me quite literally years to work out what it meant. It was obviously something to do with being ‘gay’, which was automatically considered bad, but I was a teenager before the penny finally dropped on what exactly was going on. I can even remember the “Ah-ha!” moment, as I was so happy I’d finally solved the riddle. I was never the quickest child on the uptake when it came to sex.

I like both expressions in the shot below. They’re both looks of concentration. His is a pained concentration, biting the pillow as he tries to ease into it and get comfortable. Hers is a look of problem solving concentration, just trying to get everything lined up and pushed home.

I found this via the Femdom Marriage tumblr. I think it’s originally from the Guys Get Fucked site. You can see more shots from the scene in this gallery.

Peaking behind the curtain

I’ve been enjoying catching up on Domina M’s new blog – Look Like Veronica Lake; Think Like Dorothy Parker. She used to be one of NYC’s top pro-dommes, mentored one of the current stars of that city, and has since retired to Barcelona.

She’s writing about the practicalities of being a pro-domme, the behind the scene issues she had to deal with, which I find fascinating. I think it’s always fun to read about unusual jobs. It almost doesn’t matter exactly what the job is – steeplejack, hostage negotiator, matador – there’s just something innately interesting in learning the tricks of a trade. It appeals to the desire to discover a secret, as well as the intellectual pleasure of gaining understanding of a new problem space.

I particularly enjoyed her piece on micro-dommenomics and her attempt to come up with a viable model for an inexpensive session.

A simple foot or OTK session in the morning might be a nice way to start my day. What say $75 for a half hour foot or OTK session in the morning? NO ONE could beat that.
…
There was no way I was going to dilute the “Domina M” brand with a blue light special. Besides the argument was that they wanted the minimum, simply a focus on their fetish. Okay fine. I created a new yahoo email account and advertised, “Simple foot/otk sessions with a beautiful, busty, 29-year-old blond. 8AM-11AM. $75 per ½ hour” every free place I could.
…
After all of that, how many people did I see in those three months? None. Zero. Goose-Egg.
Domina M

The failure of this approach doesn’t surprise me at all. When it comes to luxury goods and services, price may not be a good discriminating factor, but it is normally a good filtering factor. I probably can’t simply use price alone to choose between a $50 bottle of wine and $100 bottle of wine. But I can normally safely exclude the $5 bottle of wine from consideration. If I saw a very cheap price for an unnamed and unreviewed pro-domme I’d assume either she wasn’t smart enough to price herself correctly or was so bad that she couldn’t get business at a higher price. Neither are appealing characteristics. And, as Domina M discovered, the type of clients who don’t make that kind of assessment turn out to be the type of clients not worth cultivating.

In the comment section Miss Troy Orleans remarked on the fact that she’d recently offered a significant session discount to celebrate her eight year dommiversary, and had been surprised when only one person took her up on it. That also surprised me at first glance, but actually makes some sort of sense from a psychological perspective. A discount suggests that, compared to the normal exchange, one person is losing out on the deal. A client with enough disposable income to regularly see a top pro-domme is unlikely to value a transitory financial saving over the negative psychological association of the discount.

If Miss Orleans had reworded the offer to suggest she was going to extend the session length but still charge her normal rate, I wonder if it would have changed the uptake rate? The cost/time ratio is unchanged, but it creates a different emphasis. Now the client isn’t taking something away, but is instead being gifted with something extra. A bit like how restaurants don’t give regular customers discounts, but do send out additional free courses.

Perhaps that might also have been an answer to Domina M’s discount session experiment. Offer it only as a bonus to regular clients who have already paid the full session rate in the past. That weeds out the wankers while rewarding the regulars. Although of course that does still risk diluting the brand. These things are never simple.

I’ve added her blog to the pro-domme section of my blogroll, so hopefully she’ll be popping up there with many more interesting posts in future. Thanks to hmp for the original pointer.

Photograph is of Domina M. For a little background on the photographer see this blog post.

Inappropriate reactions

I was told tonight that my penis was having ‘an inappropriate reaction to pain.’ That’s not a statement you hear every day of the week, no matter how kinky you are. It was a tongue in cheek comment from Lydia after a lot of tiny but sharp wooden clips affixed to the said appendage had increased my arousal. It was a vicious circle. Quite literally vicious in this case. The more they hurt, the more aroused I got, and the more aroused I got, the more the skin was stretched and the more it hurt. Masochism can be very strange.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your tolerance for scrawny naked English masochists) we didn’t get any photographs. So I was forced to hunt through my image collection and the tumblverse for something appropriate. You’d think that a combination of aroused male and pain inflicting dominant female would be an easy shot to find. After all, that sounds like a pretty fundamental part of femdom porn. It turns out to be far rarer than I’d expected. Lots of aroused guys in gay BDSM porn or solo male shots. A few aroused guys in more soft focus, blindfolds and fuzzy handcuffs type BDSM. Lots of pain and torture shots with a bunch of floppy dicks. But very little combining the two. I realize that as problems go this isn’t one likely to keep people awake at night, but it certainly surprised and temporarily stymied me.

In the end I decided to go with some art from Vernice61. You can always rely on him for a combination of dominant women, aroused males and painful torments. Of course that’s the beauty of artwork. It can always be exactly what the artist wants it to be.

A cock torture palooza

After yesterday’s slightly off-topic post, I thought we should return to some serious femdom action. And who better to do that with than the talented Mistress Sidonia von Bork from The English Mansion?

Here’s a collection of fun looking CBT shots, along with one of Mistress Sidonia herself (click the images to enlarge them). You might think there’s a whole lot of cock in the shot on the left, but it actually only accounts for 18% of the total in the original blog post. The source photograph is an impressive 5×10 snapshots of heavy CBT torture. Definitely worth checking out if you’re looking for new ways to do horrible things to delicate and sensitive appendages.

Incidentally, does anyone know the name of that wire mesh column device in the shot on the right? I’ve never played with one, but it looks like it might be interesting to try.

A fetish diversion

I’m not normally big on posting simple fetish shots. I appreciate an attractive latex or leather outfit, but I always treat them as a bonus to D/s or s&m play, not an end in their right own right.

One possible exception I’ll make for this is the Dutch model Ancilla Tilla. I’m not quite sure why, and what it is about her look that appeals, but something about her photographs always really grabs me. She often manages to pull off an elegant classical look, even when wearing some pretty fetishistic outfits. The fact she reminds me of a kinky Scarlett Johansson doesn’t hurt either.

Searching for a little inspiration

The last few days have found me hunting through my archives of femdom art and erotic fiction in search of a little creative inspiration. I’m trying to carve out time to do some more femdom fiction writing, which for me is an enjoyable but slow process. Normally I just start bashing away at whatever random theme comes to mind, typically without any prepared plan or structure. Occasionally that turns into something worth publishing, but more often than not it bogs down and ends up being left to rot in my unfinished ideas folder. This time I’m trying to be a little more scientific. I’ve been analyzing some of my favorite authors (e.g. Tyjord, drkfetyshnyghts and Anne Gray) to see what parts of their stories really push my buttons. It has been interesting and educational to try and deconstruct why certain passages really grab me. For example, I liked this a lot.

Jason panicked as he felt the tugging on the front of his collar as Victoria pulled the chain through the ring on the ceiling. For a moment he thought they were going to hang him as he choked from both the gag and the pressure on his collar.

Seeing the distress in his eyes, Kristi leaned over his ear and whispered to him, “you can ease off the pressure a bit if you lift yourself up on your toes.” Gratefully he did so, putting all of his weight on the rubber encased balls of his feet. Immediately, Victoria took up the slack in the chain and hooked the taught metal to another ring in the wall near her. Kristi then grabbed another strap and buckled it around his newly exposed instep.
From ‘Jason’s Vacation’ by Tyjord

The apparent concern, the whispered words of apparent comfort and advice, and then the cruel betrayal. That’s hot.

I’m thinking of setting a story inside a medical establishment, so I’ve been browsing artwork along those lines. The piece below is one that particularly grabbed me. I know from personal experience that a little Icy Hot or VapoRub can be pretty painful when applied to delicate tissues. I can’t imagine what it’d be like when slathered on liberally with a painters brush.

It’s not signed but from the style I believe it’s from Tink2001. His work has featured here in the past (for example here, here and here). He has a personal site with a small collection of images located here.

On an entertaining side note I tried putting this into Google’s image search to see what it would come back with. That’s often a good way to find other sites that have featured particular artists. In this case it came back with “Best guess for this image: 3d animal porn”. Not exactly what I was hoping for.

Nice equipment

After a post featuring a lot of naked me, it seems only fair to provide a contrasting post. This one therefore features 0% scrawny naked English guys, but is 100% packed with hot dominant red headed women. I’m not sure if that’s constitutes a fair rate of exchange, but it’s the best I’ve got to offer.

On a personal note, I have to admit that my first thoughts on seeing this were not about the beautiful woman in the skintight catsuit. Instead they were more along the lines of “Wow, that’s a really cool bondage chair. I’d love to play with that.” I’m not sure if that means I’m turning into a BDSM equipment geek, or I’ve just seen too much femdom porn for my own good. Possibly both.

This is obviously a shot from Club Dom.

Fun and hijinks in San Francisco

Today’s post marks the return of one of the less heralded stars of the femdom porn scene. Someone who, despite a fine portfolio of work, has yet to attract the big money bookings. Or any kind of bookings. Yes, it’s that prime specimen of rippling submissive man flesh (stop giggling at the back), your host paltego.

These shots were all taken on my recent trip to San Francisco to see Mistress Yuki and Mistress Ai-Li. I mentioned it in a post written while I was there, and you can read my description of a prior visit in this post.

The two shots on the left were taken in my first session with just Mistress Yuki. You can see her reflection in the mirror in the top shot (click to enlarge should you so desire). I always enjoy these custom built bondage chairs, as they’re not particularly uncomfortable to sit in for long periods, but they do make me incredibly vulnerable. Everything is exposed and available for torment. They might not look like much but those plastic clips adorning my chest and genitals were vicious little buggers. Particularly painful when Mistress Yuki chose to grind her knee into them as the bottom left shot shows.

The top right shot was from the double domme session. That’s Mistress Yuki with the camera and Mistress Ai-Li tormenting me in the cage. There was one moment when they were enthusiastically encouraging me to step backwards out the cage, with the only minor drawback being the cords pulling my cock and balls out the front. You can see this from another angle in this image. For a moment or two I was tempted to try the stick plaster approach, and just give it a really good yank to break free. In hindsight I was glad I didn’t, as I might have pulled off a little more than I intended.

The bottom right shot shows me dangling in a harness attached to a powered winch. Like the chair it creates a very exposed position, with both sides of the body as viable targets. It’s particularly ‘interesting’ with two dommes, as they can work you over from front and back simultaneously. Not being able to anticipate where the next blow is coming from creates a very intense and disorientating experience.

We finished off both sessions with some piercing. This shot shows a line of needles created to run down my chest. In the second session the mistresses worked together to create two parallel lines of needles. I always find piercing can be a pleasantly objectifying process, particularly when the decorative aspects of it are emphasized. Having two people talking and working together in a coordinated fashion on my body really helped emphasize that objectifying aspect.