Photograph – Page 173 – Femdom Resource

Whipped and fucked

After the verbosity of the last couple of posts I’ll keep it simple tonight. I’ve had a wonderful evening. To start I got heavily whipped by Lydia. My torso now looks like it was mauled by a creature with really big paws. Then I got well and truly fucked. Much grunting and moaning was involved. Finally, I drifted home on a cloud of endorphins, cracked open some good red wine and cooked a rack of lamb extra rare. In my book that’s a damn good evening.

Before I retire to the couch with another glass of wine, I’ll leave you with this appropriate image. Can’t say I’m a fan of the wet look stockings (or boots), but I do appreciate that she seems to be enjoying herself.

Somebody has annoyingly trimmed the watermark off (given the black border I have my suspicions which self-aggrandizing femdom site that would be), but I believe it’s originally from the Strapon Dreamer site. I found it on the Not Like That, Like This tumblr.

In the moment

This is a continuation of my thoughts on the Psychological Surrender article I linked to yesterday. There are too many good things in it to fit into a single post. One section I particularly enjoyed was on subspace.

It is an experience of being “in the moment”, totally in the present. Its ultimate direction is the discovery of one’s identity, one’s sense of self, of one’s sense of wholeness, even one’s sense of unity with other living beings…Within the context of that surrender, a self-negating submissive experience occurs in which the person is enthralled by the dominant partner. The intensity of the masochism is a living testimonial of the urgency with which some buried part of the personality is screaming to be released. The surrender is nothing less than a controlled dissolution of self-boundaries.

There’s an interesting contradiction exposed here. On one hand there’s the idea of letting going, relaxing boundaries and exposing the true self. I’ve heard pain described as ‘a holiday from your brain’ and I like that description. It’s impossible to have complex thoughts or maintain social boundaries while experiencing significant pain. You can only exist raw, unfiltered and in the moment. Yet, despite that, the person who becomes most important in those moments is the dominant. I often feel a wave of tenderness and love (or a chemical facsimile) for her, even as she’s doing something incredibly painful to me. So simultaneously there’s both a strong sense of wholeness and the idea that the dominant is the center of the world and all that matters.

Perhaps a way to resolve this contradiction is to think about personalities as layers. The submissive’s intellectual and social layers are stripped away, exposing their true identity. In turn the dominants boundaries expand, replacing what has been removed. The submissive’s sense of self therefore ends up more intimately entwined with both the dominants personality and their own essential makeup.

This image of a couple enjoying their own particular moment comes courtesy of Divine Bitches. I original found it on the Badkitty Kat tumblr.

Balance

A few days ago somebody emailed me and asked if I’d written any posts on the psychology of submission. Unfortunately, while I’ve touched on personal aspects of it, I’ve never really written about it in a more abstract sense. To be honest, I lack the expertise to do so. However, the email did send me hunting for people who had the relevant expertise. It turns out to be a pretty sparse space. It seems there’s no end of BDSM porn created, but relatively few people actually studying why people like it so much. Of the few articles I found, by far the best was one called ‘Psychological Surrender‘ by Dorothy C. Hayden. It’s a great article and one that might turn into several posts. For this one I’ll focus on the idea of balance.

Probably the last thing masochism appears aimed at is balance. In keeping with its paradoxical nature, masochism provides not so much a state of weakness, but a sense of surrender, receptivity and sensitivity. Masochism is the condition of submitting fully to an experience, which counters lives that, in our Western society, are ego-centered, constrained, rational, and competitive.

The idea of balance spoke to me strongly. In subspace I feel calm, peaceful and right. It is a sense of balance, but not one that would be recognizable to an outside perspective. I think it’s the difference between balance as equilibrium and balance as stability.

In daily life we constantly strive for equilibrium in all our relationships. It is an endless series of negotiations. To give a very random example – I had dinner with a very close friend of mine last weeks. Someone I’ve known for years. This event involved negotiating the location to meet, the type of restaurant, the start time, the topics of conversation, the wine to order, the appropriate level of information to share, the degree of emotional exposure, etc. etc. I’m not saying that we sat there consciously making these kind of decisions, but at some level that negotiation happened. Each person was striving to balance their needs and deal with the ambiguity of our relationship boundaries. That’s true for almost any relationship, from married couples through friends to managers with employees.

I think the beauty of D/s is that it’s possible to dissolve that kind of negotiation. You’re no longer striving for a ambiguous mid-point, but instead are looking for the permanence of an end-point. In the intense moments of a scene my only job is to exist. To be there for the dominant. To make her happy. In someways it’s a selfish perspective. I don’t have to worry about her opinion, or try to figure out what she wants, because she’ll force it onto me. I can be myself when I no longer have to worry about maintaining my boundaries. My real world persona has a fragility my submissive one does not. D/s offers a sense of balance and of stability, without the need to negotiate a complex equilibrium.

The image was found on the My Inner Domme tumblr. I think it’s related to the clothing designer Fanny Liautard, but my search-fu is weak and I’ve not been able to trace a definitive link.

The lair of the white worm

That title sounds like something from a bad porn movie. It’s actually the name of a book by Bram Stoker of Dracula fame. More importantly, for the purposes of this blog, it got turned into a crazy film by Ken Russell.

It stars Hugh Grant (in one of his earliest starring roles) and a very sexy Amanda Donohoe. She plays the role of Lady Sylvia Marsh, a seductive snake lady who protects the lair of the aforementioned worm. In the scene below she’s taking care of a boy scout who is unlucky enough to come calling at her mansion. That look on his face in the second image is what you get when you let seductive snake ladies bite you in delicate areas. Things don’t end well for him, as this animated gif shows.

I can’t say it’s a great movie. Or even a good movie. It’s pretty cheesy with some ridiculous dialogue. But if you feel in the mood for an entertaining old school monster movie, then you could do worse than this. It even has a catchy soundtrack.

When in doubt, go for ambiguity

I was planning something different for tonight’s post. A radical new approach. I was thinking of writing something nuanced, well reasoned and insightful on the inherent complexities and contradictions of femdom. I’ve never tried it before, but I thought it might just work. Then I went out with friends and ate lots of middle eastern food and drank way too many cocktails. Plus a bottle of wine or two. So right now I’m lucky if I can spell femdom, let alone write about it.

I will therefore simply pick an interesting ambiguous image that I like. The fact it’s ambiguous saves me having to write too much. I’ll leave the interpretation to the viewer. It features the beautiful January Seraph who was kind enough to say nice things about my site.

Sit!

I love the incongruity of this scene. There’s the very 50’s style domestic setting, the elegant housewife and well loved family pet. With just one minor quirk…

I’ve personally never done any animal roleplay, but I do get the appeal. It pushes all sorts of kinky buttons. Obedience, restraint, training, collars, control, commands, etc. Pet owners are supposed to both care for their pets and also make sure they’re trained to behave appropriately. The pet itself doesn’t have to think too much, it just needs to offer love, affection and obedience. Or at least that’s the case for dogs and their human counterparts. Cats just need to look cool while swaggering around trying to conceal their disdain for the world.

The image comes from Mistress Liliane Hunt’s blog from a post on a Loup Garou Adoption Day. She’s a San Francisco based pro-domme. The pet is Tyke Puppy. I originally found the image on Selina Minx’s tumblr.

The least visible group in porn?

As regular readers might guess, I spend a fair amount of time hanging around tumblrs. I only feature femdom material here, but I can find material that pushes my buttons across a wide range of kinky activities and gender combinations. Hence my tumblr browsing is broad. One thing I found fascinating is looking at how different kinky groups typically skew their selection of material. Obviously my observations are entirely anecdotal and completely unscientific but what the hell. This is a blog, not a peer reviewed paper for Nature (although somebody should write one of those).

As you’d expect, lots of straight male submissives feature dominant women in exotic undergarment, with the occasional naked man as just a prop in the scene. They also have a smattering of what I’d call action shots. i.e. Images that catch a more complex D/s interaction. Essentially they post what they desire (the dominant woman) and, to a lesser extent, the interaction they wish to experience.

Straight female dominants also tend to post what they desire, buff naked submissive men, together with action shots. But the ratio is different to what submissive guys post. As a SWAG (Stupid Wild Ass Guess) I’d say it’s more like 50/50 compared to 80/20. There’s a clear preference towards more complex interactions and connections over eye candy.

Straight male dominants are heavily focused on their object of desire – naked bound women. The vast majority of shots are either of sole females or of disembodied males interacting with females. There might be an appendage in the shot, or a hand, or a whip, but almost all of the material is designed to let the viewer imagine himself as the dominant. It’s rare to see intense emotional connection in the images.

The most interesting one I find is the straight female submissive. Following the pattern above you’d expect them to post a mixture of Mf action shots and images of hot male dominants. And yet from my observation there’s a very heavy skew to posting shots of female submission. They might post more action shots than male dominants, but they rarely seem to post images of buff male dominants. Uniquely amongst these four groups they seem to post what they’d like to experience or who they’d like to be, rather than what the type of person they desire.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that male dominants are the least visible group in BDSM pornography. That’s a conclusion that should raise a few hackles given the ubiquity of the Mf dynamic in culture and porn.

The image is of Claire Adams from Men In Pain. I found it on the ‘my Wife, my Goddess‘ tumblr. It represents the kind of shot I personally enjoy the most.

Tumblr hunting

This is a follow-on thought from yesterday’s housekeeping on the Femdom Image page. It’s also a request for help.

My image page is surprisingly popular. It actually attracts more views than even my front page. I’m glad people like it but, to be frank, finding conventional femdom tumblrs isn’t exactly hard. There are hundreds of them out there. Hopefully my page is good starting point for some of the better ones (e.g. Alternative Femdom, Femdom Style Counsel, Girls Rule, Subs Drool, Undiscovered Limits, etc. etc.) but it’s still a pretty basic resource.

However, I do think there is one particular area where I could add significant value, and that’s around finding femdom tumblrs that focus on male submission. These are always hard to locate. So far I’ve only come up with twelve and two of them are pretty dormant. I regularly see female dominants bemoaning the lack of good femdom imagery and I’d like to help with that. So if you stumble across or own a tumblr (or blog) that features femdom with a submissive slant then please send it in my direction. Either add a comment or email me.

I’ll leave you with an image that so far has popped up on 3 of my 12 so-called (by me) submissive focused tumblrs (Geek Domme, Work Is Never Over and Beyond the Valley of the Femdoms). It was originally shot by Barbara Nitke and is titled ‘Madame and mine’.

Updates to Femdom Image page

I’ve done some housekeeping on the Femdom Image page. Dead and dormant sites have been removed and I’ve added the sites listed below. I’ve also cleaned up a bunch of the old comments that were of the form ‘Please add this’ or ‘Thanks for adding me’. I always appreciate receiving these kind of comments, so please feel free to continue leaving them. I just don’t want the comment thread to grow indefinitely with old comments that are no longer useful to readers.

The image below is from Men in Pain and came to me via the newly added Beyond the Valley of the Femdoms. Having warm wax dripping down on a body isn’t all that uncommon. Suspending the body over the heat of a candle? That’s a rarer sight. No wax drips to worry about, but that rising heat thing must make it interesting.

Playing the dummy

As I mentioned in previous blog posts, I was down in LA in mid-March, and got to session with Mistress Cynthia Stone. We actually did two sessions together and captured a lot of photographs. I finally had chance this weekend to write up the first of these sessions and you can read all about it on a page I’ve titled Cynthia Stone’s Tailors Dummy. I should warn you that while there’s no blood or anything too extreme, there is a lot of piercing shots and a lot of naked me. So don’t click through if that’s something you’d rather avoid looking at.

The shot below is taken from our session together. That’s me peaking out over her shoulder. At the time she’d stuffed a whole bunch of needles into my torso and then decided to sit on me. Normally having a beautiful woman wriggling around on my lap would be a good thing. Having a lot of needles through the skin adds a certain edge to that experience.