Luxury

Today marks my last full day in Vegas before flying back to Seattle. Sadly I haven’t yet managed to get myself as pampered as the lady below, but it has been close at times. I was going to add that every hotel room should come with a couple of naked helpers to help pour the champagne, but then it struck me I’m a masochist/submissive, so I’d probably get bored with that.

I haven’t got up to any kinky shenanigans this trip, but for anyone planning on mixing travel with kink, Lily has a useful post she published a few days ago.

Pampered mistress in bathI found this on the Geek Domme tumblr. The watermark doesn’t appear to go to a still valid site.

Indulging my fetishes

Posting may be a little erratic for the next few days as I take some time to indulge two of my favorite fetishes. Unfortunately there will not be any interesting photographs or scene descriptions resulting from this, as the fetishes in question are my love for interesting food and luxurious hotels. I’ve escaped the chill of Seattle for a little R&R in Vegas. It’s a fun place (for a brief stay), but not exactly a kinky mecca.

I’ll leave you with a picture featuring a slightly more traditional fetishistic focus. This is Domina Ai-Li, who I’ve played with and written about in the past. She’s based in San Francisco, which might lack the neon and showgirls of Vegas, but certainly puts it to shame when it comes to kink.

Domina Ai-Li

A nice refreshing drink

This clean couple come courtesy of this post on Homer’s blog (Japanese language). As best I can make out via the on-line translation tools, it’s a cover from an old issue of SM (Suspense Magazine). Washing a child’s mouth out with soap and water is an old punishment for bad language. I dread to think what he must have said to deserve this.

I actually did a scene featuring water in the face a few months ago, although it was poured from a bottle rather than power blasted at me. With a cloth over the face it can give some really interesting options for breathplay *. Unfortunately it was after I’d been tied to a bed for a couple of hours, and the trickling cold water against my skin just made me want to pee. With Lydia sitting on my torso, the fact of not going enough oxygen was a minor inconsequential trifle compared to the torture from my bladder!

Domme spraying water into bound submissive's mouth

* Note that breathplay is inherently dangerous, and this form particularly so. You get some oxygen through the wet cloth but not enough to stay alive. This makes it easy to slip gradually into a dangerous state of hypoxia. I’m not an expert but I do play with people who are. I don’t recommend trying it unless you’re confident the domme knows what she is doing.

The only thing we have to fear…

When I was catching up on my blog reading over the weekend I came across an interesting sequence of posts by Lady Anna List. They described a heavy imprisonment scenario, featuring bondage, isolation and sensory deprivation. You can read them in part 1, part 2 and part 3 of a series entitled Incarceration. What particularly caught my eye was the comment about a panic attack during the scene.

He’d fallen asleep and woken up before feeling the entire world closing in around him. Experience has helped him before to talk himself out of his impending attack…
…I’m not sure I would rescue him because this is something he has to get through so he knows he can get through it again in future extreme bondage situations.

That got me thinking about the nature of panic and how we experience it, which in turn led me to this fascinating paper on the subject. It’s fairly readable for a scientific paper and it contends that panic is an evolutionary response to dangerous situations. There’s first a tendency to freeze (so a predator won’t spot us), and then a physical response to divert blood, suck in more oxygen, release cooling sweat and tension muscles before fleeing for home and safety. The paper also talks about agoraphobia, an anxiety disorder where panic attacks can strike out of the blue in everyday life. These panic attacks typical occur in certain locations (wide open or enclosed spaces), or in certain situations (being in crowds of strange people or being far from home). These are scenarios which from an evolutionary perspective represented specific threats, such as being exposed with nowhere to hide, or encountering a number of strangers from outside your tribe.

I found it fascinating because there’s a tendency to think about panic as being purely a mental process, as something you can think your way around. And it’s true that you can condition yourself against it by repeated exposure and positive reinforcement. But the basic response itself is a very deeply embedded one, with real physical manifestations. Nobody would think of telling an agoraphobic to simply snap out of it and think themselves better. And yet I find there’s sometimes a tendency to see panic as a weakness or mental failure in a submissive. In fact it’s really just a million years of evolution doing it’s thing. Like the primitive drives for sex or food, it’s all about maximizing the chances of passing the genes on.

The other interesting takeaway from the paper was in the final section, where the author talks about the difficulty of studying panic in the laboratory. He should get out the lab and into his local BDSM playspaces. I can guarantee his local dommes will have a wide collection of experimental subjects they can push into carefully controlled panic situations!

I’ll leave you with a shot of an item that is great for pushing my panic buttons – a hood. That tight enclosed feeling gets me every time.

Hood in vintage BDSM shot

I found this via the clitlickslut tumblr.

Site updates

I’ve done some clean up of dead links and dormant blogs, as well as a number of additions to both pages and my blogroll. To the Equipment page I’ve added a link to Über Kinky (UK site with a wide range of stuff) and Erin Houdini’s rope site. I’ve also linked to the forum site provided by Domina Irene Boss from my BDSM articles page.

On the Femdom Blogs page I’ve added:

Finally I’ve added a collection of new tumblr links, using the new categorization scheme I came up with a couple of weeks ago. Under the more submissive focused heading I added:

Under the general femdom heading I added:

And under the general BDSM and erotica heading I added:

I’ll leave you with an image I found via the newly added Written in the water tumblr. I love the way she’s holding his head in one hand and is about to pinch that nipple with the other. It’s a very sensual but assertive pose.

Pinch

Intimate rope bondage

I’m feeling pretty buzzed right now from a great session with Lydia earlier this evening. I should have some photographs to share in a later post, but all I want to do right now is collapse on the couch with a glass of wine. Before I do that, I’ll leave you with a couple of very sweet bondage shots.

I found these on Natasha Gornik’s blog. She’s the photographer of choice for a lot of kinky people in NYC, and her blog features fetish/BDSM shots along with lots of photographs of food. Since those are two of my favorite subjects, it makes for a very enjoyable read from my perspective. The models are Erin Houdini and Athena. I loved the feeling of intimacy and affection between them. It’s nice to see bondage used in a sensual way, rather than the more typical restraint orientated S&M scenarios.

Erin and Athena, photographed by Natasha Gornik
Erin and Athena, photographed by Natasha Gornik

En Garde!

Maybe I’ve led too sheltered a kinky life, but I’ve never seen sword fighting crop up as a BDSM activity. Which is kind of odd now I come to think about it. It’s obviously a sexy look, as shown by Mistress Ultra Violet below. It crops up frequently in popular culture, for example the Bride in Kill Bill or Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And plenty of other fighting activities, such as wrestling, boxing and martial arts, have been adopted for kinky play.

Obviously real swords would be a problem. Nobody wants to end up with less limbs than they started with, unless they’re unfortunate enough to suffer from apotemnophilia. But there are plenty of practice swords that could be used, and I’m sure there must be some dommes out there who have done fencing or a relevant martial art. Just allow the submissive to only defend and not attack and you’ve got a fun new way to get beaten. Not to mention all the scope for some swashbuckling roleplay – Maid Marion getting her own back on the evil sheriff perhaps?

Mistress Ultra VioletI came across this image via a post on the Hogspy site.

A great example (of how not to do it)

I’ve often considered writing a submissive’s guide to organizing a first pro-domme session. Not that I’m any sort of expert, but I picture it as a letter to my younger self. The sort of article I wish I’d read when I was 21. Fortunately, I’m not sure I need to write it anymore. An article entitled ‘No, a dominatrix won’t have sex with you‘ pretty much provides the definitive guide. Just do exactly the opposite of whatever this guy does, and you should be OK.

Admittedly he didn’t initially realize she was a professional (in purely a taking the money sense of the word), but I don’t think it changes the basic message. For example, if she’s happy to meet you at 2am on the street and then mistakes you for her drug dealer, don’t do what this guy did and return to her apartment. Similarly, if the pre-scene discussion consists of her mentioning her boyfriend and then saying she’ll do it for free because you’re cute, that is not your cue to take your shirt off.

My favorite part of the whole thing was his last line – “The biggest lesson I took from this is one that I will carry to my grave: A dominatrix doesn’t have sex with you.” Really? That was your big learning point? A few others did spring to my mind. Add while that statement is generally true for pro-dommes in the US, for any random OKCupid date you meet collecting garbage on the street at 2am, I’d say all bets are off.

I’ll leave you with a picture of a real pro-domme having fun with her ‘boy toy’. This is Ms Mona Rogers, a genuine professional (in all senses of that word) from NYC.

Mona Rogers doing sensation play