Photograph – Page 198 – Femdom Resource

Savoir-faire

Today’s post brings you news of an article from 2004. Don’t say that Femdom Resource doesn’t deliver the latest in BDSM culture!

I was reminded of it after reading some of the comments on my earlier post about approaching a dominant woman. Ferns linked to an excellent post she’d written on the subject, which emphasized that the person comes before the submissive. It’s a package deal, and nobody is going to spend time with someone who can scream delightfully when whipped but is an annoying jerk the rest of the time. Playing with gags can be fun, but they shouldn’t be a requirement for a relationship.

This philosophy put me in mind of an old article from Mistress Matisse on how she started dating her primary partner Max. He’s actually a male dominant, but I don’t think that fact alters the underlying point. She wasn’t attracted to some aspect of his sexuality, that actually counted against him initially. It was the fact he was capable, quietly confident and self-possessed that was a significant part of the initial attraction. I also can’t resist posting a link to an article that opens with the following line.

As Max and I approach the fifth anniversary of our first date, I’ve been thinking about the fact that if my submissive, Jae, didn’t have such a big clitoris, Max and I might never have gone on that date at all.
Mistress Matisse in ‘Me, Max and Jae’

That must be a great way to start a response to the old cliched question – ‘So how did you two meet?’

For images I can bring you shots of two out of the three people in question. The first shot below is Mistress Matisse giving Bobbi Starr a spanking in a scene for Everything Butt. The second image is Jae giving some lucky guy a good paddling, taken from this blog post.

A nice kind of sleazy

This image caught my eye because it looks like it was shot in a hotel room, which is a surprisingly rare setting for these kind of shots. I get quite a sexual vibe from it, of rough kinky sex, rather than a D/s scene. I have no idea who the model is or what the context is, but it makes me imagine a fun evening with a high class escort in an expensive hotel. Although that may say more about me than the photograph. And I should again emphasize that’s just the vibe I get from it, I’ve no idea who or where the shot is from.

I’ve only sessioned once in a hotel, and the whole experience created a very interesting atmosphere. It was exciting in a sexy, sleazy and sneaky way. It was in Vegas (always a good start for sleazy) at the Hilton hotel. Vegas has some amazing hotels – Bellagio, Mandarin Oriental, Wynn – but the Hilton isn’t one of them. It has got a real old school feel. By which I mean smoky, worn and a touch shabby. Most of the high end hotels try to keep the hookers from plying their trade too obviously in the casino, but not the Hilton. When I passed through it looked like it a great place to conduct a little business with a lady of negotiable affection.

In my case I’d already pre-negotiated the evening, and it wasn’t affection I was after. I was meeting a pro-domme whose visit overlapped with mine and she was staying and playing in the Hilton. In a normal session, in a studio space, I never feel like I’m doing anything particularly edgy or subversive. The play and the space fit together. Arguably getting naked with a complete stranger for freaky kinky fun is also a pretty good fit for a sleazy Vegas hotel room. But somehow it seemed a lot more socially and morally suspect, which I kind of liked. Trying to keep the screams down so as not to disturb other guests while being draped over the suitcase stand for a caning was definitely a new experience. As was trying to dry off after a golden shower using the paper thin and well used hotel towels. I think I still smelled of pee in the cab on the way back to my hotel, but I’m sure that was no big deal to a Vegas cab driver.

I found this on the Mistress Candy (aka The Ties That Bind) tumblr.

50 shades of bleauh

BDSM has been popping up in the mainstream media recently thanks to the erotic novel ‘50 Shades of Grey‘. This book has been at the top of the digital best seller list, featured in mainstream magazines and newspapers, and just enjoyed a bidding war over the movie rights. It even got Dr. Drew in trouble for making dumb comments on the Today show.

When I first heard about it I was pleased that a BDSM novel was getting some widespread coverage. I liked the idea that people with a hidden kinky streak might feel they can explore it without embarrassing themselves. Then I took a look inside it via the free pages on Amazon. It’s pretty underwhelming. In fact I was about as far from whelmed as it’s possible to be. I can enjoy all sorts of gender and D/s combinations if they’re done well, but this has horrible prose, characters, structure, plot, you name it. I think this reviewer nailed it when she said “…this is a pretty dreadful book. Put simply, author E L James … is not a very good writer”.

I’ll quote a small section to give you a taste of what I mean. Here’s a scene where the male dominant is presenting his rules and limits to the lead female character. They’ve done nothing together at this point, and the female proto-submissive is not only completely inexperienced in BDSM, but is also a virgin who doesn’t even masturbate. There’s no reason given for this. She’s not crazy religious or anything, she’s just your typically 21 year old female college student whose sexual experience consists of being kissed twice.

I stare down at his rules. Waxing! Waxing what?
Everything? Ugh.

“So, limits. These are mine.” He hands me another piece of paper.

Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments
No acts involving children or animals
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin
No acts involving breath control

Ugh. He has to write these down! Of course – they all look very sensible, and frankly, necessary… any sane person wouldn’t want to be involved in this sort of thing surely? Though I now feel a little queasy.
“Is there anything you’d like to add?” he asks kindly.
Crap. I’ve no idea. I am completely stumped. He gazes at me and furrows his brow.
From ’50 Shades of Grey’

From a writing point of view the ‘Ugh’ and the ‘Crap’ are jarring to read. The book seems to be full of these kind of interjections, including an endless stream of ‘Holy ****’ (just in a few pages I spotted a heck, a shit, a crap, a fuck and a cow). From a character development point of view I instantly hate the guy for putting ‘no children or animals’ into his list. Anyone who feels the need to do that is highly suspect. And from a plot perspective it makes zero sense to have a conversation about limits with someone who has no clue what is going on or what the possibilities are. It’s like the author knew about the idea of listing and negotiating limits, but had absolutely zero idea how to build it into the plot in a realistic and believable way.

I realize that my own attempts at fiction don’t exactly mark me out as the second coming of Shakespeare (although I did grow up near his home town), but there are a lot of genuinely good BDSM authors out there. Lily over at theblackleatherbelt just wrote a post on an anthology featuring some of them. Alternatively, from the femdom perspective, Her Majesty’s Plaything just featured a series of posts on Titian Beresford. Sascha Illyvich has even put together a handy list of 50 books she thinks are better options.

In my opinion the best literary thing to have come out of the book is this brilliant short parody written by the genuinely talented author Laura Antoniou (responsible for the Marketplace series). It’s far more entertaining than the original, while capturing the style perfectly.

It’s entirely possible that my original hopes for this book will still be realized. If it makes more people open to BDSM and exploring their own sexual desires then it probably doesn’t matter that it reads like the worst kind of internet fan fiction. And it’s nice to see an author making a bunch of money via one of the new publishing routes. I just wish this breakout book had been one I could recommend to people, rather than one I’d hate to be associated with.

Picking an image for this post was a little tricky, as Mf material isn’t the goal of the blog. I decided to go with a shot that featured both a female submissive and dominant reading a book that’s a touch better written than 50 shades of grey.

I found this shot on the Beauty of Submission tumblr.

Heightening the senses

A short post tonight. I’ve several lengthy ones lined up, but none of them have been beaten into publishable state.

They often say that removing one sense heightens the others. I’m sure he’d like to be able to see what is right in front of him. It looks like it’d be a very special view. However, if losing his sight heightens his sense of touch, taste and smell, then maybe it won’t be such a bad trade-off.

I found this on the Real Dominant Women tumblr. It’s an excellent tumblr, although in this particular case I think the name is a bit of a misnomer. I believe that’s Jennifer Love in a modified shot from a fairly standard porn shoot, albeit with some kinky touches.

Man with crazy hair does sensible thing

A couple of weeks ago I commented on the story of Jenna Talackova, who had been disqualified from the Miss Universe Canada for being a transgender woman. Fortunately ‘the Donald’ stepped in to allow her to compete and they’ve now changed the competition rules to allow transgender entrants in future contests.

I still can’t say I’m a fan of beauty contests or Donald Trump for that matter (although I do admire his genius for self-promotion), but it’s good to hear that they have fixed the rules. It also gives me an excuse to post this shot of the beautiful Yasmin Lee that has been lurking on my hard drive for ages, along with this second shot from the same scene. It’s from a TS seduction sequence and a couple of other images from it can be see here.

Hot or not

I enjoy deconstructing. Doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, a conversation, a social event or a BDSM scene. I like to figure out subtext, expose hidden motives and deconstruct complex interactions into underlying ideas.

The images below got me thinking about porn, and deconstructing why certain shots work so well. Figuring out exactly why being beaten or forced to drink piss turns me on is a level of analysis beyond my primitive tools. I suspect even a tag team of Freud and Jung working around the clock might be defeated by that particular conundrum. But I can look at porn and see some of underling ideas that are important. Plus, it gives me an excuse to do a kind of ‘best of Femdom Resource’ post and re-run a few images.

One important idea is that of connection. There needs to be some, either within the scene or between me and the scene, but typically not both. For example, this shot and this shot are nice examples of connection between the actors in the scene. They’re posed for the camera, but there’s also a spark between the people. It’s easy for me to suspend my disbelief and image the scene unfolding without the camera. Alternatively, there’s the classic femdom POV shot, where I can put myself into the scene. For example, this shot or this shot. Here the connection is an imaginary one between myself and the mistress. Where porn often goes wrong is sending mixed messages on the connection. For example this shot or this shot. In both cases it feels like I’m interrupting something. They’re not connecting with their partners, and yet the style of scene doesn’t invite a connection to me.

Another idea is that of my role as viewer in the scene. Am I a fly on the wall? Imagining myself as one of the participants? Or is my role unclear? For example this shot is a definitely a fly on the wall case, where this one makes me want to be the man. Both work well. A good role can even play with the connection aspect of the scene. For example, this shot seems to suffer from the mixed connection message problem, but I like it because it has a ‘You’re Next!’ feel to it. Alternatively, in a shot like this I’ve no idea what my role is supposed to be. It’s a weird studio setting. She’s presumably supposed to be shopping but is wearing an unsuitable outfit and shoes for it. She’s in the domme role, but is wearing cuffs around her arms and a spiky slave collar type thing. I cannot create a role for myself and make sense of the scene, so it doesn’t work for me.

Clothes are often a good way to screw a shot up. For example, everything about this shot works for me, apart from her outfit. It looks uncomfortable and takes away from her dominant role. A more elegant and normal dress would actually be a lot more erotic. In contrast, this shot and this shot both have great outfits working very successfully but in totally different ways.

In the case of the Divine Bitches shots below, the clothes aren’t really a factor, but there’s clearly a good connection between the participants and I absolutely want to be the guy Mistress Dragon Lily is slapping around.

Depressingly good advice

Strange over at the Treats for the Strange blog has a “good” post on the topic of how to approach a dominant woman. I have quotes around “good” in that sentence not because I think her advice is bad or unnecessary, but because I find it depressing that these kind of posts have to keep being written.

Do not start by saying ‘I am not worth your time’.
…
Do not start by saying ‘I know I am not what you’re looking for’.
…
Do not say ‘I am a dominant, but I’d submit to you’.

When I see these statements my first thought is “Really? Do some submissive guys actually do this? How stupid are they?” Unfortunately, my follow-up thought is then about the number of times I’ve seen the same kind of advice from so many different dominant women. Which tells me that yes, if lots of dominant women feel compelled to independently repeat this, then there clearly must be a lot of submissive guys out there who need to be told. That makes me depressed. I then realize that these guys are my competition in the D/s dating pool, and yet I’m still single. That’s normally about the time I decide I need a stiff drink. And how having written this, I foresee a blend of gin, campari and sweet vermouth in my very near future.

I like this shot, but those heels look pretty dangerous for navigating stairs. I hope he’s ready to break her fall if necessary. I found the image on the GeekDomme tumblr. Which, I have to say, sounds like a truly excellent combination of characteristics.

To pee or not to pee

As I was driving into work this morning I was mulling over the erotic potential for piss play. I’m sure we’ve all been there. Traffic’s a little heavy. Idiots are randomly changing lanes while talking on their phones. I’m trying to pick my gaps, catch the lights and figure out exactly what makes urination exciting. You know, the usual commuter stuff.

To be more specific, I was actually trying to figure out a scenario where simply being peed on was hot. I know that some people find that an automatic button pusher, but not for me. I don’t find it particularly humiliating or degrading. It’s just good messy fun, a little like sploshy play. Possibly sexy, but not particularly D/s. In contrast I find forced consumption, where it’s a very careful and measured approach, with not a drop to be spilled, incredibly hot. That has a real objectification and controlling vibe to it that really works for me.

Somewhere between I-5 and my parking garage, I decided that simply being peed on could work, if there was a heavy bondage and abandonment situation built around it. That takes it into a masochistic area, with a little side helping of degradation. I was therefore very surprised and amused to get home and discover that Lady Anna’s latest post described exactly the kind of scene I had decided might work.

I took D, who was wearing a cotton overall, down into my cellar along with a small selection of steel bondage hardware. I cuffed his ankles and then I chained and padlocked his cuffs chain to a ring that is screwed into my cellar floor. I then cuffed his wrists. I pulled a small hessian sack onto his head and secured it with his leather collar. I then told him to get down on to the floor where he lay as I pissed on him. Without saying goodbye I walked out, locked and padlocked the cellar door, and then at the top of the steps I locked the top cellar door.
Lady Anna List

As a style of play it’s probably not one you’d want to share with someone just feeling their way into kink. Or one to tell your curious vanilla friends. But kind of hot in my view.

The images is from the 21sextury site and I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

The first step

I have a blogging problem. I have to come clean and admit it. I’m sure a lot of you are now nodding your heads and thinking to yourself – “We already know that. We see it every single time you hit that ‘publish post’ button.” While that may be true, it’s not the immediate problem I’m prepared to talk about here. My main issue right now is the sheer number of interesting blogs out there I’d like to link to. There are just too many of them.

As you’ve probably observed, my blogroll on the right is a dynamic one, which updates and sorts itself based on the publication of new posts. That works great for 20 or 30 blogs, but not very well for 50+. I don’t want to get rid of the dynamic blogroll, but I don’t want to stop adding interesting links for readers. Either I need the world to become less interesting, or I need a better approach for linking to lots of blogs.

My solution is a new page, entitled (imaginatively enough) Femdom Blogs. This is modeled along similar lines to my Images and Equipment pages, with some approximate link categorization for a few distinct lists. This new page will always contain 100% of all the links I publish. My dynamic blogroll on the right will be a subset of that, hosting newly discovered links and links to blogs that both regularly update and are personal favorites (i.e. I read every update). This way I can keep updating the blogroll with new and interesting stuff while having a much larger static collection on a separate page.

Right now the page basically lists what is already in my blogroll, albeit with a few additions to the Sex section (Savage Love, Tiny Nibbles and Viviane’s Sex Carnival). For step two, in my post tomorrow, I’ll do some shuffling and introduce some new femdom and kink links.

In the meantime here’s a pleasant image for your viewing pleasure. It has no correlation with this post. But anyone making it this far through my random site admin thoughts deserves a little eye candy.

I came to this via the Undiscovered Limits (aka Untamed Dark Mane) tumblr. It’s originally from the Strap-on Hell site.

Spooky internet moment

Earlier this evening I poured myself a glass of wine and began browsing the archive pages of the Gorean Kajirus tumblr. It’s one of my favorite tumblrs to look at when I’m simply hunting for eye candy. The curator obviously puts a lot of effort into it, as there’s a huge amount of aesthetically and erotically interesting material. There’s beautiful women or all types, ripped guys in restraints, interesting bondage shots and fun BDSM play in many different flavors. There’s even the odd bit of auto porn.

And then, in the middle of all the visual loveliness, dear God, I spotted myself. Twice. That was a spooky internet moment. It’s one thing to appear on my own blog, or on a domme’s site. After all these shots started life on Domina Yuki’s tumblr, and I even spotted my torso on Lydia’s testimonial page the other day. However, it’s quite another sensation to stumble across them on a random tumblr. Particularly one which tends to the more aesthetic than the functional side of kink.

In the meantime, while I get over the weirdness, let me leave you with a couple of shots of genuine eye candy from that tumblr. The first I think is Goddess Miki, a pro-domme from LA who has been on my ‘to visit’ list for a while. I’ve no idea about a source for the second one.