Kink, sex and money (continued)

In yesterday’s post I was pondering the intersection of sex and commercial domination, and suggesting that the laws around sex work had led to the well defined modern pro-domme industry. I thought in this continuation post it’d be worth thinking about the other side of the sex work coin, the escort business.

Now I have to admit that I don’t have as much experience in this area as I do with pro-dommes. However, I have hung out on a wide variety of sex forums and sites, and I’ve always been puzzled by one question. Why aren’t there more kinky escorts? While legal issues may have helped shape the pro-domme industry, why should that have any impact on escorts? In the vast majority of the US (outside a few bits of Nevada) paying for sex is illegal. So given escorts are already operating without the same legal and conventional boundaries pro-dommes typically have, why do so few not try to broaden their appeal to capture both the sexual and the kinky market?

I should probably briefly pause at this point to make clear that I’m not suggesting that the skill-sets between the two professions are the same. Or that all an escort needs to do to steal some pro-domme customers is to buy herself a whip and a pair of leather boots. But at the same time, you don’t necessarily need a MA in rope suspension and a PhD in medical play to mix some light kink with a little sex. Why isn’t that category better represented by sex workers?

My personal theory is that the reason can be indirectly traced back to those same laws that helped define conventional pro-domme activities. As I suggested yesterday those laws created a fairly well defined idea of what a pro-domme is and does. It’s a role that’s externally perceived to be about pain, punishment and humiliation. It’s about naked guys on all fours while a woman struts about dressed like a leather clad Nazi stormtrooper. There’s no fun and there’s no pleasure (as it’s conventionally defined). I think that’s an incorrect perception, I’ve had all sorts of fun, playful and pleasurable sessions, but it’s a common one.

This dichotomy of sex and kink creates a marketing problem for anyone trying to bridge it. The kind of forums where you can advertise and reach out to pro-domme clients frown on any kind of sexual service. There’s the ‘circling the wagons’ syndrome I discussed yesterday from the dommes (‘escort with a whip’ is a common disparaging description), and there’s the site moderators worried about any legal ramifications. Well know places like Max Fisch will rapidly delete any discussion that touches on potentially illegal behavior. On the flip-side, trying to market to the escort customers who might be kinky, runs the risk of scaring them off with all that weird BDSM stuff. Mistress Matisse wrote a blog post several years ago that touched on this. She had a friend who worked as an escort and would call up Matisse if one of her regulars suggested anything a little kinky…

…she always introduced me by another name, because a lot of her guys displayed nervousness when she floated the idea of bringing in “a pro domme”. Oh, no thank you, that would be too much, they’d say. They weren’t that kinky. But when Miss K said something like “I have a girlfriend who has a flogger and a strap-on” – or whatever the appropriate thing was – the answer was: “Sure, love to meet her!”
Mistress Matisse

The ironic thing about the very limited intersection between these two commercial areas is that in the non-commercial domain that’s where most kinky people find themselves. A couple exploring BDSM doesn’t rush out to fit a hard point in the bedroom, buy a 6 foot bullwhip and enroll in advanced classes in piercing and cutting. Instead they do a little bondage, maybe some spanking or CBT and buy a few fun toys to try. Even among couples who get seriously interested in it, there seem to be very few who take it to the level of putting together the kind of set-up you’d find a pro-domme using.

Personally this gap in the market doesn’t bother me too much. I like the kind of intense and heavy pure BDSM sessions a skilled pro-domme can put together. Sex is pretty much the last thing on my hand after I’ve been bound and tortured for two hours. But I do think the distortion to the market caused by the law in this area probably leaves a lot of potential clients out in the cold. They don’t think they’re kinky enough to see a pro-domme, but they’d like a little more than meaningless vanilla sex.

At this point I’m going to once again stop with things still left to say. Looks like this’ll have to stretch to an unprecedented third post. Tune in tomorrow for more of my meandering thoughts.

Finding an image for this post wasn’t easy. I really wanted a shot of that rare breed – a kinky escort. Luckily my hard drive is replete with images from odd sources, and I managed to locate this one. The woman here is Tigerr Juggs, a London and Tokyo based escort who offers a very complete set of kinky services.

Tigger Juggs teasing a slave

Kink, sex and money

There’s a post title with three simple and uncontroversial topics in it. I should have no problem dusting them all off in the space of this one blog entry.

More seriously, I’ve been idly musing over the intersection of these three areas for sometime, but this particular post was prompted by this blog entry by January Seraph. You can go read it for yourself, but the short version is that having been invited to participate in a pro-domme calendar project she was then uninvited for combing sexual acts with BDSM in the videos she’d shot. In the words of the unidentified calendar creator:

On a professional level this concerns me greatly. I require that all of the Pro Dommes in my production are not filming any sexual acts to protect my name, and themselves as well.

I found that extraordinary, particularly given that January had also offered to donate a full day of her studio’s time to shoot for the calendar, and it got me thinking more about sex and kink in the professional domain. I should add that what follows are my general thoughts, entirely unrelated to how January conducts herself in the different facets of her professional life. Her original post was just an interesting catalyst.

Anyone who has browsed pro-domme websites or scheduled a session will know that sexual activity between the domme and the client is very much verboten. Almost universally they’ll state that even suggesting it will get you hung-up on or booted out of the dungeon. Of course, there does tend to be some variance on where the line actually gets drawn. Some pro-dommes will do penetration with a strap-on, some will not. Some will limit body worship to below the knees, where others will do face sitting provided they remain fully clothed. But in general nothing happens that would typically be classified as ‘sex’.

I’ve also noticed a tendency for pro-dommes to ‘circle the wagons’ when it comes to defining what should and should not be allowed. I think this comes from an understandable desire to try and have a reasonably consistent boundary line across all pro-dommes, and not have clients confused about what they can expect. For example, masturbating a submissive (aka a handjob) is a fairly controversial area. That can clearly be a sexual service outside of a D/s interaction, and that can also be a very integral part of intense D/s play. Yet I’ve had lengthy on-line arguments with a few pro-dommes who tied themselves in logical knots trying to prove that it was impossible for a handjob to be a dominant act. It seemed that they felt a need to extend the entirely unarguable “I don’t do this” into the unreasonable “…and no other domme should.”  I suspect that’s partly where the calendar project owner was coming from. She wants a consistent view of what a pro-domme does, and more specifically she wants it to be her view. Anyone outside of that is not just making a personal decision about boundaries, but in her mind is also bring her chosen profession into disrepute.

I think a lot of the lines drawn around professional domination have arisen from the current laws around sex work. For the most part it’s possible to operate as a pro-domme entirely legally. Some activities are legally risky (anal penetration, force-bi), but with care a pro-domme can be successful without breaking a single US law. I think this legal boundary line has helped create a more universal definition of what a pro-domme actually does. That’s not to say that if all the laws were repealed tomorrow that all pro-dommes would then suddenly expand their range of activities to cover more sexual acts. But I do think the laws have helped shape the well defined form the industry currently takes.

In this context, it’s interesting to observe the evolution in BDSM pornography in recent years. Ten or more years ago it was very much segregated from traditional pornography. Movies either showed penetrative sex or they showed traditional BDSM activities (bondage, fetish gear, mild pain, etc.), but never both together. There was a general assumption that to combine these two things together would land the producer in court under an obscenity charge (mostly thanks to assholes like this guy). The Cambria list provides a pretty good representation of what was then thought to be unacceptable. But a combination of the internet, a big reduction in prosecutions and producers willing to push the envelope changed the perception of the legal risks. Now there are sites like Sex and Submission dedicated to showing explicit sex combined with heavy BDSM. I actually know of pro-dommes who will not shoot for kink.com anymore, as sexual acts have rapidly become an expected part of a scene. So while individuals have kept their own personal boundaries intact, from an industry perspective the legal change (or perceived one) has acted to dissolve the strict BDSM/non-BDSM pornography divide. Now the material distributes itself across the entire possible continuum of activities.

At this point I’ll stop writing further. Clearly my original goal of nailing all the issues around kink, sex and money in a single post was a little ambitious. It turns out I’m going to need two posts for that, so check-back tomorrow for my continued thoughts on where escorts and kink fit in. Until then it seems appropriate to finish with a shot of Mistress Seraph, given that she was the original prompt for my post. Here she is doing a little CBT for the Divine Bitches site.

Mistress January Seraph and some CBT

 

Candles and corset

This pair of performers have featured in a past post on this blog. Last time they were demonstrating a serious side along with a fun side, and these two images follow a similar pattern.

The first image is just beautiful. That’s a fabulous corset, and it matches up very well with her intricate tattoos. He’s been bound in an interesting way, almost as if in prayer. I’m also a fan of those candles. They look very theatrical and fierce. They seem to be quite common in Japanese BDSM, but I rarely see them used elsewhere.

When it comes to the second image, I have no idea what’s going on. Is she about to roll it over him? Or pull him up over it? Regardless of the plan of action, it comes as a very fun playful shot. She’s flying, with a big smile on her face. I always enjoy watching or playing with a happy sadist.

Corset with candles
Flying with a smileI believe this is Mistress Aska from the SM Play Live site (English version here).

The new best thing ever

This image is me from a few hours ago. Bound, tormented and zippered.

Well, if I’m honest, it’s not strictly and literally me. I don’t have very thin sideburns for one thing. And, despite my intensive exercise routine of typing, thinking and arguing, I sadly don’t have this guys physique. However, I was having a fabulous time with a dominant woman and a large collection of clothes pegs. It was the first time I’d done zippering, and I now can’t believe it never occurred to me to do it earlier. It’s a whole heap of painful fun. Not sure it’s absolutely the best thing ever, but it’s certainly up there when it comes to interesting ways to be hurt.

I have images snapped of my scene that I’ll post later this week. However, for the moment you’ll have to do without my scrawny ass and instead put up with this men in pain shot. I’m not sure who the submissive is, but I believe that’s the back of Maitresse Madeline.

Zippering with Maitresse Madeline

Flying high

Here’s an unusual suspension shot. Often rope work like this is all about restraining and exposing the submissive. This looks a lot more fun and lighthearted. He almost looks like he’s flying, Superman style. From his rather tumescent silhouette he’s certainly enjoying the experience, and from her happy expression it looks like his mistress feels the same way.

Flying highI found this on the Treats for the Strange blog. It hosts a wide variety of interesting images. I particularly liked this one, which almost made me run my finger down my screen to feel the rope.

Mirror, mirror on the wall…

In my recent post entitled Discovery Femdom one of the commentors mentioned that he found narcissistic dommes to be very sexy (this comment by honestpower). That’s not one of my personal kinks, but I do kind of get it on an intellectual level. A lot of D/s service type activity focuses on putting the dominant on a pedestal and trying to make their life run as smoothly and as happily as possible. A narcissistic domme is  just a continuation of that, where she puts herself at the center of her own attention. I suspect there are also elements of objectification and humiliation woven into the idea, with the domme putting herself forward as the only person worthy of any kind of attention.

Personally I tend to find narcissists annoying, but I couldn’t help thinking of that particular comment when I stumbled across these two images. I like the simplicity of the scene. There’s no fancy fetish gear or elaborate setting. Just some towels, a little bit of tubing and a woman getting ready in a bathroom. Despite the simplicity, they come across as excitingly severe. I particularly like her foot resting on his towel draped head in the first shot. I get the impression she dried herself with the towel and then simply drop it onto him.

Mistress with slave in bathroom
Mistress with slave in bathroomI found these on the Perony bog. Unfortunately it seems to have been a blog that burst into life at the start of 2010 and then died before the end of that year.

Cleanliness is next to godliness

This is a continuation of the washing and cleaning theme from my last post. I like this image a lot, although I’d be hard pressed to explain why. It seems a little impractical.

A combination of bondage and water could be interesting for breathplay, but this tub looks far too small for that. With two people in it at once, I can’t see how she’d dunk him effectively. Given he’s tied up, he can’t make himself useful massaging or washing her. He can’t even wash himself. All he’s really doing is occupying useful bathtub space. And yet it still seems kind of hot to me.

I guess in someways it’s no different to sharing a bathtub in a vanilla relationship. Washing is a very intimate act, so sharing it is always going to be kind of hot. This just adds a little bondage and dominance into the mix as a delightful bonus.

Mistress and slave in bathtubI found this on Homer’s blog.

The joy of cooking

Here’s a continuation of yesterday’s cookery theme, although with a slightly different slant. I believe that’s Mistress January Seraph carelessly misplacing her cookbook on top of her slaves meat and two veg. He better start hoping the recipe she has in mind doesn’t call for a cleaver or a tenderizer.

I really like their expressions, particularly in the first shot. He’s got a pleading look of “Please don’t drop it. (But I know you’re going to).” While she’s a little more quizzical, with a “Really? Don’t? (But you know I”m going to)” expression.

Mistress with naked slave in kitchen
Mistress with naked slave in kitchen

I believe it’s originally from a sequence on the CBT and Ballbusting site.

Updated: It is definitely Mistress January Seraph and taken from the above site. I just find another great shot from the same scene on January Seraph’s tumblr.

Snippets of interest

A few different interesting posts have caught my eye recently. Apologies for those who read my blogroll religiously and have seen all this before, but I thought I’d use just this post to point them all out at once.

Firstly, thanks to hmp’s recent post for the pointer to the Masocast with Irene Boss. For those that don’t know her, she’s a very well known pro-domme and BDSM film producer. It’s a really interesting masocast episode and well worth a listen. I particularly enjoyed her memories of OWK, which sounded like a really unique femdom experiment.

Anyone interested in a fairly unusual and entertaining way to torture their slave might enjoy Mistress160’s description of the Xmas Orgasm torture she invented. I read a lot about chastity and denial, it’s a little more unusual having a series of forced and timed orgasms over a relatively short period.

Ferns has just the cutest post describing her recent trip to a fetish shop. Reading it made me feel happy inside. It’s great that the woman she met was confident enough to explore and ask questions, and lucky that she bumped into Ferns. I have difficulty picturing the same scene in the average US sex shop.

Finally this image from Contemplating the Divine made me laugh. Bizarrely it reminded me of me. Sadly not because I look good in jodhpurs and tight black leather, but because she’s exhibiting exactly the same attitude I do at work. Anytime someone suggests we should agree to differ I tend to take the line: “No. You can choose to stop arguing, but that’s not really the same thing. You’ll still be wrong.” I’m most definitely a top when it comes to work.

Agree to differ(There’s actually another way this captioned image reminds me of me, but I’ll keep that particular reference to myself).

I’m eccentric. You’re crazy.

Brooke Magnanti (aka Belle de Jour) recently published a though provoking post over at her blog ‘The Sex Myth‘. It was triggered by the trial of Michael Peacock for violating the obscene publications act. He’s a UK based male escort who distributed gay pornography featuring watersports, fisting and a various BDSM activities. Thankfully he was found not guilty, which is likely to provoke a rethink on what is and isn’t legal to publish in the UK.

It is of course good news that Britain might relax its ridiculous obscenity laws. It has lagged behind both Europe and the United States when it comes to publishing explicit sexual material. I always find it ironic that the country founded by radical Puritans escaping England ended up with far more liberal obscenity laws than England itself. It also makes me happy to think that a randomly selected jury could overcome their natural impulse of ‘Ugh! That’s fucking weird!” and return a verdict of not-guilty. I wonder if the prevalence of the internet, with all it’s multifaceted and easily accessible media, has something to do with that. Twenty years ago you’d have had to go to considerably effort to see anything more than soft core pornography. Now any random friend can email you a link to two girls one cup.

While the not-guilty verdict was welcome, there were a couple of observations about the coverage of the case that were less positive. The first was from Quiet Riot Girl on the media coverage in the Guardian of the case. For those that don’t know it, the Guardian is the largest left-of-center newspaper in the UK. Quiet Riot Girl correctly pointed out that the paper normally takes a very puritanical line on porn, with contributors like Julie Bindel arguing for much stronger censorship and legislation against sex workers (for example idiotic articles like this or like this).  In this case it trumpeted the result as a victory for sexual freedom. So obviously porn is degrading when it features any women, but liberating when it features only men. I like the Guardian, I read it most days, but that’s a spectacularly patronizing and inconsistent point of view.

The other observation was from Brooke herself, and picked up on something that always been a bugbear of mine.

Is there an unwritten rule that when the topic is sex, even supportive and liberal commentators who identify as sex-positive must make it clear exactly where in this case their personal kinky line has been crossed? I lost count of the number of times either on blogs or on Twitter I read some variation of “Of course, I don’t go in for these disgusting practices at all, but I fully support…” etc.

What’s the problem here, you might ask? That of solidarity. You wouldn’t begin a discussion on same-sex marriage with the sentence, “Of course, I am disgusted at the thought of being attracted to the same sex, but I fully support…”, would you? You wouldn’t start an article about trans people with “I am appalled at the idea of changing your born sex, but I fully support…” and so on.
……
Sexuality is not a hierarchy of extremity, with fisting, urine, and blood at its apex. Sexuality is not a linear progression from missionary-position, procreative, within-marriage, monogamous mating at one end and goatse at the other.
Brooke Magnanti

I completely understand why people do this when it comes to porn. They’re seeking the intellectual higher ground. They don’t want people to think the material  might excite them, because that would appear to weaken their argument. Their motives can no longer be trusted because their baser instincts have been aroused. Better to be a champion of intellectual freedom than a horny person looking for something to get off on.

However, as Brooke argues, sexual acts aren’t graded on some linear curve. The idea of a sexual line in the sand makes no sense. Either you’re in favor of sexual freedom and adults retaining their own power of consent, or you’re not. It shouldn’t be necessary to layout or justify your own personal sexual kinks in order to defend freedom of speech. The pressure should always be on the people trying to censor a particular point of view. Not on the people who enjoy it and want to share their sexual preferences with others. We shouldn’t be simultaneously defending someone while ghettoizing their sexuality.

For an illustrative image I thought I’d run with the fisting theme, since that was apparently one of the triggers for the original prosecution. Here’s a rather attractive young lady wearing some decorative pearls and a slightly more functional latex glove.

Mistress fisting slaveI found this on the Women Supremacy tumblr. It’s originally from the Tyrannized site.