I’ve written a lot in the past about the physical sensations of play sessions, but I don’t think I’ve written much about the emotional side of things. This doesn’t seem to be unusual. When I look around blogs and forums I see a lot of talk about the physical (appearance, activities, etc.) and the sensations (pain, pleasure, etc.) but not much about the emotions in a session. What talk there is of emotions tends to focus on the longer term issues, such as the emotional relationship with the domme, dealing with any feelings of guilt or shame, the anticipation or excitement of a upcoming play date, etc. For actual sessions people tend to talk about subspace and leave it at that.
This is probably because these kind of in-the-moment emotions feel very personal. It’s easy to talk about and share common reference points for a particular activity or type of costume. Transitory emotions are both harder to describe and likely to be more unique to the individual. However, I think they’re worth discussing, as they remain a constant source of fascination for me. I should note that I’m talking about emotions in a pro-domme session context. That’s obviously a very different emotional starting point than a non-professional context.
When I session I don’t role-play and I don’t target a specific emotional response. Humiliation and emotional masochism aren’t big button pushers for me. Yet, in the two or three hours of a normal session, I’ll go through a big emotional swing. I can’t think of another situation that’ll manipulate my emotions quite so quickly and effectively.
The starting point, the moment I get naked, is always smiles and jokes, with a little edge of anticipation. There’ll be some prodding of old marks. A little pinching and laughter as I react. I’m certainly not a smart ass masochist, but if there’s ever a time I’ll tease the domme a little, it’s at this point. I’m happy and a little cocky. I know some people find CFNM to be erotically charged and excitingly humiliating, but it just tends to make me smile. There’s something inherently funny about the naked male body (mine anyway), particularly when put next to a beautiful and sensually dressed female one.
As we get deeper into the session the next emotional state for me is normally one of peace and calmness. Obviously it depends on exactly what we’re doing, but typically as bondage is applied and my options shrink, I feel contentment. There’s a sense that all is right with the world. I can relax and let my body and senses belong to someone else.
At the heart of the session is the strangest emotion of all. I don’t have a word for it, but the closest comparison I can make is to an intense feeling of love. It’s clearly not love, as it doesn’t exist prior to the session and it fades the instant we transition out of D/s mode. But in the deepest moments of the best sessions I feel this strong wave of something like love for the domme. It reminds me of the feelings from the first few months of an exciting new relationship. That up-swelling of emotion when you see the person, that sense that they’re the center of your world, and that you want to protect them and care for them.
Along with the love-like emotion there’s also often a strong sense of gratitude. A feeling that I’m deeply in debt to the domme. The domme will do something particularly vicious to me, and I’ll feel a powerful urge to thank her. This isn’t the kind of rote thank-you that some domme’s demand as part of a beating, but a genuine need to acknowledge how I feel inside. In hindsight it seems quite extraordinary. Why suddenly (and temporarily) feel ‘love’ for someone who just deliberately hurt you? Why thank them? The psychology behind this fascinates me, as it seems so very counter-intuitive.
Finally, at the end of the session, the emotional transition is a return to laughter. The tension and intensity seeps out of the scene and is replaced by smiles. The endorphins are swirling around my brain and I’m buzzed, with an innate sense of well-being. That feeling will last for hours, and for the next few days I’ll feel more positive and energized.
I’d be interested to hear from others as to how their emotional cycle unfolds over a play period. Feel free to leave a comment. I’m also curious as to the difference playing in a relationship makes, as that’s something operating over very different emotional territory.
When it comes to illustrating images for the post, I thought these 3 shots seemed appropriate. They’re from the ‘Men are Slaves‘ site and show an intense whipping followed by a nice emotional moment of care and connection.
The image is obviously from the Men In Pain site.
