Photograph – Page 214 – Femdom Resource

Creatively Destructive

Kaya over on her Under His Hand blog has a very interesting new post up. She writes from the perspective of the submissive in a M/f relationship, but I have her on my blogroll as she often has pertinent things to say about the dynamics of a lifestyle D/s relationship. In that context the exact gender of the top and bottom can often be irrelevant to the point being made.

The actual post is too long to quote in full, so I’d suggest reading it to get the full context. The heart of the issue is the idea of activities that will diminish the status of the submissive in the eyes of the dominant. Activities that both would ‘enjoy’ in their very different ways, but risk permanently altering the balance of their daily relationship due to their extreme nature. I’ll quote what I think is the key section.

So, we were talking the other day, talking about something mostly unrelated but in the vicinity of one of those “activities”, when pretty much out of the blue, he turned to me and asked me about it.

There was an immediate flush of shame and embarrassment, and a reluctance to admit to anything. Rather than admitting shit, I deflected and answered his question with a question.

Or rather.. I answered his question with a statement that really really was a desperate question in disguise.

“I can’t because you’d think less of me and not like me anymore.”

He was quiet a minute, and then nodded. “You’re right.”

And everything inside just sort of… collapsed. I showed nothing on the outside though.

Kaya from a post titled ‘Love in an Elevator‘

She doesn’t list what the activities might be and I don’t think it really matters to the discussion. I just found it fascinating to think about the broad concept of such an act.

I’d suggest you can classify creative acts into two broad categories: Constructive and destructive. Constructive acts are things like writing software or designing a building. The creative act leaves you with more than you started with. It might even be repeated to enhance and build on the initial creation. Destructive acts are things like cooking or staging a play. They suck up time and resources and at the end you’re left with nothing but the memory of the act for those who participated.

I think as humans we’re hardwired to treat relationships as creatively constructive. The daily creative decisions we make are meant to improve and increase the strength of our relationships. Given the normal cost function we’re trying to optimize that makes sense. We have limited time on the earth and relationships require significant time and resource investment. We want to maximize the return on that investment given our limited opportunities.

Yet here is an example of creatively destructive act that could be applied to a relationship. It’s possible that both parties would gain more from consciously destroying aspects of the relationship (or even the entire thing) in order to appreciate the experiences they desire. Now that is not to say in this specific case that’s the right thing to do. In fact Kaya is clear she very clearly doesn’t want to lose her masters love and respect. But in the general case, perverse as it seems, there could be an argument for trading away a good relationship just to experience the act of destruction. Looking at it very coldly, it’s an opportunity cost problem.

In the past I’ve seen submissives talk about similar acts in relationship to pro-domme sessions. Often they focus on thing like toilet service, with the suggestion that the submissive becomes more and more worthless with each degrading act, until finally they’re good for nothing but being toilets. I’ve always treated this as a fantasy projection from the submissive. Pro-dommes are only going to do things they’re comfortable with, and I’ve never seen a suggestion from any of them that there’s some slippery slope of degradation. There’s also very low opportunity cost in this case. Once the fantasy is played through the submissive can simply find another pro-domme to play with.

In the lifestyle scenario it’s a far more genuine and riskier proposition. How close to that invisible unmeasurable line do you want to tread? Or should you consciously cross it and destroy what you have for the sake of an ephemeral experience? How do you make any kind of sensible judgement about what you’re risking and what you’re gaining?

One could of course suggest that it’s simply the responsibility of the dominant to sort his or her head out. If they want to subject their submissive to it, they need to be sure they can deal with their own resultant feelings and still offer the necessary love and support. But of course when the attractiveness of the activity is proportional to the disgust it generates, that is easier said than done.

I should repeat that I have no idea of the kind of the specific activities Kaya is referencing. But when it comes to finding suitable images to illustrate extreme femdom activity I always have one reliable site to use – Team Rinryu (warning extreme content). In this case we have a cute girl, a nice smile and a man with an open mouth.

CBT done simply

The CBT post from a couple of days ago provoked a number of comments about the skill required to do it right and the fine line between pleasure and pain. Here’s a nice shot of a very attractive young lady who seems to have trampled right across that line and is marauding around on the far side of it. Assuming marauding is possible whilst wearing high heels. That looks like a fair amount of pressure she’s exerting. No need for fancy clamps, brushes or electrics here.

This shot actually reminded me of a recent session of mine, although I experienced it in a reversed form. In my case the domme (the devilishly inventive Lady Lydia) had my cock and balls tied into a neat package with thin cord and was using that to pull me onto my tiptoes in a standing position. With her hand still holding the cord taut she then stepped forward and stood on my toes with her high heel shoes. That creates a particularly tortuous position, without any good options to minimize the pain. She laughed of course, which then made me laugh despite the pain. Anyone watching us would have probably thought we were crazy, but a happy sadist always makes me a happy masochist. .

I found this on the femdom marriage tumblr site. It’s originally from the appropriately named Young Goddess site.

Ruh Roh

Looks like an unwise comment may have escaped the lips of the gentleman holding his bottom. That is a fierce, severe and simultaneously wonderful look. I predict more spanking in his future. Which is probably just as well, because that doesn’t look like a particularly reddened pair of cheeks.

I found this on the fd marriage tumblr site. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

Women are from heaven, men are from the pet shop

Servitor is the master of the captioned image, and this photograph (along with the post title) is stolen from one of his recent posts. I enjoyed all the images and captions in the post, but this one particularly caught my eye. There are a lot of things to appreciate in it – the metal penis stocks, the cane stripe marks, her tight leather pants – but what grabbed me was the draped jacket.

I always have fun mentally deconstructing a session after the event itself. I like to exactly understand how the domme manipulated me. A really great domme doesn’t simply string arbitrary activities together. Instead she builds a session layer on layer, making activities work together to create the right head space. In this case the jacket achieves three different effects. Firstly, it’s objectifying, making him into a simple pole to hang her clothes on. She doesn’t need to see him because his face isn’t important. Secondly, it creates sensory deprivation. His sight is removed and his hearing diminished. His focus is inevitably moved to his other senses. Finally, it’s a way of bringing him closer to her. Her scent is in the jacket. It may even still be warm from her body. He’s surrounded by her, diminished by her and focused on her. That’s a really smart bit of domination, achieved simply by hanging a jacket.

The original images source is OWK.

Ooh, shiny!

I don’t buy a lot of BDSM gear. I typically play with pro-dommes who have more equipment and furniture than you can shake a whip at. However, I do enjoy window shopping from time to time. Partly because it’s a good way to get ideas for future sessions and partly because I harbor the fantasy of creating my own custom playspace at some point. It seem like it’d be a very fun thing to put together. Unfortunately, given I’m currently single and living in a condo in downtown Seattle, it’s not really a practical proposition right now.

In the meantime I stick to browsing sites like the Stockroom, where I found these two fun looking toys. The one on the left is called ‘The Nut Crusher‘ and the one on the right the ‘Ultimate Asslock‘. Both those names should tell you all you need to know about their function. They’re appealing to me for their very industrial solid construction, almost resembling surgical equipment. As fun as pervertibles can be, there’s something sexy about a device deliberately designed and constructed to hurt someone. Particularly when using it involves screws, bolts and locks. No lightweight straps or buckles involved here.

A firm grip on the situation

After the nipples and the cock of the last couple of posts, we get to the balls. In this case a pair of nicely squeezed balls. She certainly seems happy with her handful. Hopefully she has a hairbrush or rod in her other hand that can be judiciously applied.

This is another image I found on the cock torture tumblr site. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

Drill, baby, drill!

Moving down from the nipple torture in yesterday’s post, we arrive at the cock. In this case a cock firmly gripped in a set of stocks, and about to get what appears to be a serious piece of metal shoved into it. I normally find sounding erotic rather than tortuous, with a very pleasurable frisson created as the sound slips gently into place. However, in this case it looks like the stretching involved might smart a little. She’s probably not going to strike oil, but she may encounter and rich seam of screams.

I found this on the cock torture tumblr site. It’s originally from Club Dom.

Oh, and for anyone wondering about the title of this post, it’s something that has entered the US political lexicon in recent years.

Sophisticated Nipple Torture

Here’s another pair of images from a Japanese femdom blog. These are from the kazowk88 blog and were obviously shot a little more recently than the vintage images from a couple of days ago.

I’m not entirely familiar with the equipment, but it looks like some sort of suction pump that’s being used to stretch his nipples in the first shot. Then in the second shot she appears to have placed an elasticator around the stretched nipple, holding it engorged and taut. That may hurt a little when it’s in place, but I’m guessing it’ll be agony when it comes off.

I do like the casually dangling cigarette. It makes me think of a mechanic or workman going about a job, and adds a nice hint of objectification.

Emotional Masochism

HMP over at Her Majesty’s Plaything pointed me at an interesting thread over on Max Fisch’s forum. The initial posting by Miss Darcy was mainly about submissives over-committing and going too far in trying to please. But it then evolved into a discussion about drama, emotional involvement and boundary management with Miss Darcy, Irene Boss and alx. The relevant posts are here, then here, then here, and…well you can probably figure the rest out.

HMP’s original post quoted at length from the thread, and I don’t want to simply repeat his post. Instead I want to pick out a particular aspect of the play they’re talking about.

Moths to the flame, they will be attracted to the scenes that upset them the most. It’s just the nature of things when emotional masochism is part of a person’s psycho sexual makeup. Unfortunately if you are going to practice within the extremes you can expect this behavior to continue
Irene Boss

…..forced bi, cuckolding, and full toilet are three of my favorite things. With my emphasis on humiliation and mind control I seem to both attract and be attracted to the delicate, fascinating psyches of slaves, some of whom inevitably gravitate towards emotional masochism. It is the psychological play that grips me, and in some ways I think that is the most dangerous kinky activity out there.
Miss Darcy

It seems strange, but I realized as I was reading this, that I’d never really thought about emotional masochism. I’d only ever thought about it as a physical concept. This is no doubt because that’s the way I’m wired. Any anger, insults or humiliation in a scene really kills the mood for me. Cruelty and objectification are great, but being insulted quickly pulls me out of submissive mode and into ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ mode. However, regardless of my personal wiring, in hindsight it seems pretty odd that in years of thinking about femdom I’d never really pondered emotional masochism.

Now I do come to think about, I realize how incredibly difficult it must be to explore, on both side of the D/s equation. When I play the thing I’m trying to ultimately optimize, my emotional state, is not the thing that’s being directly messed with. A great session might be very cathartic and leave me emotionally on a high, but it’s not always necessary to get there. I can just have a good session and end up feeling happy and lightly buzzed. In contrast emotional play seems far more risky and volatile. It could be fantastic if you have a cathartic breakthrough, but terrible if you don’t reach that tipping point. To use a slightly odd but apt analogy, it seems a little like flying from an aircraft carrier. Once you commit to it there’s either going to be a plane in the air or a big expensive splash. There’s no middle ground.

The other thing that struck me was how differently the same activities can be viewed. For example, Miss Darcy talks about cuckolding as an example of emotional masochism. I find cuckolding an intriguing idea, although I’ve not had the chance to experience it. But if I was to do it, I’d always think about it in the context of tease and denial. A case of – “He gets to enjoy the greatest pleasure while you’re frustrated.” I could never do it as – “You’re not enough of a man so I need this guy to satisfy me.” That would just be annoying, and life is already too full of annoying things.

Similarly any forced-bi play would have to be in the context of a hot sexual scene enabling her pleasure. Doing it as a kind of punishment or humiliation would just seem weird to me.

I guess I can be grateful that, through no skill of my own, I got lucky in the nature/nurture dice game that molds our kinks. Physical masochism just leaves me with some odd marks to explain. I don’t have to risk an emotional rollercoaster or a nervous breakdown each time I play.

– Image removed on request –

The conundrum of animated gifs

I’m typically not a fan of animated gifs on my front page. The constant flickering motion is distracting and aesthetically displeasing. They also make the page slow to load and burn big chunks of my bandwidth. However, they can also be kind of fun. They’re ideally suited for endless teasing shots where final satisfaction is never quite achieved.

To square this particular circle I’m going to publish static stills that link to the relevant tumbr posts with the full gif. So just click on the images below to see the animated originals. I particularly like the middle/left shot with the dripping cock. She looks delighted with her leaky toy.