Good day at the office

I spend most of my day discussing (aka arguing), brainstorming (aka incoherently arguing) and pontificating (aka arguing when you know you’re wrong) about the right way to build really big computing systems. In this kind of group design work submissive tendencies don’t tend to do well, and anyone who knows me only via work will assume I’m a dominant personality type. However, when I’m feeling frazzled and tired after a particularly passionate discussion, I often long to sneak away to get the crap beaten out of me. Pain can be like a holiday from your brain, and sometimes that’s exactly what I need.

It looks like the gentleman below got just that kind of holiday, and with six very attractive tour guides. As it transpires in other photographs, they appear to have had a plumbing problem with the women’s bathroom. This has forced them to rig up some sort of makeshift contraption as an alternative, with him as an integral component. As this second photograph shows it looks a little intimidating, but I’d take it in preference to swearing at powerpoint for an hour.

The images are taken from the team rinryu blog. Warning – some of the other images on that site are pretty extreme, including some graphic toilet play shots. Don’t start browsing it unless you’re OK with that.

Site Updates

I’ve been doing a little housekeeping in the links department.

To the blogroll on the right I’ve added a link to Mistress T’s blog and the ‘he stoops to worship’ blog I mentioned in yesterday’s post. I also deleted Cricketed’s blog which sadly hasn’t been updated since March.

To the BDSM articles page I added a link to the Masocast site. If you’ve never visited this site before, it’s a great resource for discovering all sorts of interesting and thought provoking opinions on BDSM and kink culture. You can easily suck up a bunch of time browsing its archive.

Finally, I’ve added four new tumblr sites to the Femdom Images page. These are Get on Your Knees, Lashkisser, AliasSlave and Loves to Lick. I also removed Intelligent Domination, which appears to have been killed.

The image below is of Mistress T, taken from one of her blog posts. I actually hesitated about using this, as it’s not what I suspect most of my readers would think of as a femdom image. But then I thought about the tagline to this blog – “The beauty of dominant women.” Mistress T is undoubtedly a dominant woman. And this picture of her is undoubtedly beautiful. So how could I not use it? Particularly when it makes me feel happy just to look at it!

You can see more of Mistress T over at her main site, or at her clips store.

The joy of referrals

One of the things I’ve most enjoyed about creating this blog is all the interesting sites it has led me to. My original plan was simply to use it to share all the random links and images that I personally appreciated. But thanks to comments, emails and my referral logs, I’ve ended up gaining far more than a simple place to broadcast my opinions.

The latest interesting incoming link that I’ve spotted is from the “he stoops to worship” blog. It’s an unusual femdom blog, in that it contains a much broader selection of artwork than most, drawing from both mainstream and kinky sources. It’s written by slave c and he’s done an excellent job of both selecting the images and providing useful background to them. There’s everything from German pre-war art, through Hollywood Film Noir to erotic illustrations.

The following two images were taken from a post featuring the work of Craig Morey. I think the contrasting bodies together with the sense of balance and symmetry creates something really beautiful.

he stoops to worship

Humpty Dumpty

The comments on my earlier post entitled ‘Femdom doesn’t exist‘ got me thinking a little more about definitions and categories. This isn’t new ground for me, as I’ve pondered BDSM labels in the past. This time I thought I’d come at it from a different angle, and rather than start with the existing labels, I’d try and define new categories based on what I’ve observed. I can then see how (or if) my groupings map back into the well known labels people regularly throw around. The two dimensions I’m thinking about are masochism and submission, and it seems a lot of the complexity arises out of the latter.

Non-masochistic / Non-submissive
We all know about these people, as they make up the majority of the population. Vanilla. Boring. Let us speak of them no more.

Masochistic / Non-submissive
These people enjoy pain purely for the sake of the sensation. They want to be hurt and enjoy the associated adrenalin rush without necessarily giving up power. A well known subset of this is the Smart Ass Masochist (SAM), someone who likes deliberately teasing and provoking a domme in order to create a reason for punishment.

Masochistic / Sexual submissive
This defines someone who enjoys both pain and power exchange, but only in the context of ‘sexual’ play. This play might be a session in a dungeon, an event at a party or simply a couple having fun in the bedroom. But it’s essentially a bounded experience in time, where control is only temporarily relinquished. The stereotypical example of this would be the high powered CEO or hot shot lawyer who skips out of the office for a couple of hours so he can be tied-up and beaten by a pro-domme.

Masochistic / Lifestyle submissive
I suspect for a lot of readers of this blog, both male and female, this represents the most desirable category. It integrates a kinky sexuality within a female led relationship. This doesn’t necessarily imply a specific division of responsibility or a predefined assignment of roles in daily life. It simply means the D/s dynamics and power exchange shades daily interactions as well as specifically sexual ones.

Non-Masochistic / Service submissive
These people find satisfaction in performing tasks and being useful for the dominant. This might be something as simple as cleaning or cooking, or as elaborate as being turned into a human-pony and used to pull a buggy. Pain, if it’s employed at all, is a mechanism for punishment not pleasure.

Now having defined these anecdotally observed groupings, how do the common labels of bottom, slave, masochist and submissive map to them? I think the answer to that is ‘with difficulty’. Three of the five feature some type of submission, and three of the five feature masochism. Slave certainly maps to the last group, but arguably also applies to the lifestyle category. And I think the term bottom could be equally applied to both non-submissive and sexually submissive masochists. It’s therefore not really surprising that confusion and misunderstandings frequently occur when writing about femdom. The basic vocabulary we’re using is woeful inadequate and imprecise. And to make it worse, people frequently use the terms as if they were well defined and universally agreed.

I guess at this point I should really propose a solution to the problem. Perhaps the paltego labeling system of Mas/NonSub, Mas/SexSub, Mas/LifeSub and NonMas/ServSub? Or maybe some kinky equivalent to the geek code (if that doesn’t already exist)? There’s already the hanky code of course, but that’s mainly concerned with specific activities rather than models of interaction. It’s also hard to take a code seriously where a few wash cycles can change your sexual preferences from anal sex, into uniforms, into oral sex, into aquaphilia (dark blue, medium blue, light blue and aqua respectively). Lets at least shoot for something that’s machine washable in future.

One additional point of interest is the categories I decided to omit from this list, namely the non-masochistic versions of sexually submissive and lifestyle submissive. This isn’t to say people in those groups don’t exist. It’s just that I wonder if they would actually define themselves as kinky. A non-masochistic sexual submissive would be someone who enjoys receiving pleasure and letting their partner take control during sex. In many ways that seems more a sexual preference or style, rather than a kinky activity.

Finally, after all that random musing from me, I think a little eye candy is in order. The picture has no real relationship to the text, I just found it (on Domenique von Sternenberg’s tumblr site) and enjoyed it.

Oh, and for anyone that has made it this far, and is still wondering about the title of the post, it’s a reference to one of my favorite parts in Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, `it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”

`The question is,’ said Alice, `whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

`The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, `which is to be master – – that’s all.’

Translating psi into decibels : Sadism 101

Looking back over the last few weeks there have been a lot of images featuring submission and bondage, but not a huge amount of material for the sadists and masochists amongst us. As I count myself amongst that happy band it seemed time to remedy that situation, so here’s a nice shot that put a smile on my face.

My favorite part of this is actually imagining the off camera aspect. I picture the mistress staring down at him, ever so slowly rocking her foot back and forth, smiling at the screams as they modulate in time with the applied pressure.

I found this on the domme and pet in love tumblr site. It’s obviously originally from Divine Bitches.

Pleased to see me

I thought this was an interesting shot for its naturalistic depiction of a strap-on. It’s a lot subtler that the usual brandishing and waggling at the camera I often see.

The site it’s from isn’t even a femdom one. It seems to follow more in the style of Japanese futanari videos. I’m by no means an expert on these, as they’re not really my thing, but from what I’ve seen they typically feature lesbian scenes where the women use the strap-ons as if they were real cocks. They wear them under clothes, make them ejaculate and try to hide their fake nature as much as possible. As a genre it seems to occupy an odd middle ground between lesbian porn and transgender porn (both mostly aimed at straight men). Of course, as you might expect, the Japanese videos typically seem to feature a lot of demure schoolgirls being led astray, where the Western version looks a lot more explicit and aggressive.

In general I find the design of strap-ons and their depictions in porn to be curious. There’s obviously a wide-range of designs out there, from the ultra-realistic to the very abstract, but the majority occupy a sort of odd middle ground, both cock and not cock. They take elements of the natural appendage (ridges, shape of the head, some hint of veins), but shy away from anything that looks too realistic. It’s as if they want to carry across some of the mental associations people have, without at the same time causing guys to freak out about being fucked by a ‘real’ dick.

I found this on the Pegtastic tumblr site. It’s originally from the strap-on cum site.

Caption Required

This is an image that cries out for a caption done in the style of the letter she’s writing. Perhaps something like “…and in other news, John has been making himself useful around the house recently. After losing his CEO job he probably sees his new duties as a small step down in responsibility, but I like him to feel he’s still making a contribution to the household.”

I like the kneepads and the hood. The former is practical and suggests a lengthy time in position, while the latter is nicely objectifying. I’m less keen on her dress. The fetish nature of it kind of clashes with the ‘normality’ (in femdom world at least) of the activity.

I found this on Awesome Femdom.

As disgusting/exciting as you like…

This is an image where the degree of perversity is assigned by the mind of the viewer. Obviously it starts at a base level of perversity that’s pretty unavoidable. I don’t think he came in for the remote control and tripped and fell awkwardly. But maybe she’s just forcing him to watch and nothing more. Or maybe there will be a few drops to clean-up from her after the fact. Or maybe…well…you get the idea. Beauty is not the only thing in the eye of the beholder.

I’m not going to say what my preferred interpretation is. I’ll just mention that I like the look of, lets say, ‘concentration’ on her face.

Annoyingly it looks like this image had a watermark and somebody scrubbed it out. I hate it when people do that. Feel free to comment if you can help me attribute it. I found it on erotic haecceities.

Updated: Thanks to pedamore I believe this is Mistress Yuliya Kate from Vancouver. I can’t see this exact scene in her clip store, but there’s one showing a similar bathroom and a couple of her in that top, so it seems to be a pretty positive id.

A striking skirt

The great thing about porn and the internet is that no matter how obscure your kink, there’s something out there for you. For example, I’m sure there are people out there with a thing for being punished by women in hideous 1970’s skirts. This image is for them.

The skirt aside, I do like the everyday outfit, the business-like stance and the rolling up of the sleeve. It looks like the warm-up has just finished, and she’s about to get serious with that strap.

I found the image on the Femdom Marriage tumblr site. It’s originally from Cassie Canes site, which features a lot of corporal punishment in non-fetish wear.

Just hanging out…

I’m not sure if this image really counts as femdom, but I liked it so much I thought I should share. It was taken at the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, probably the only place in the US where this kind of street scene could be captured.

I just love it for the body language. They seem so relaxed and casual. Just having a chat.

Him: So how has your day been?
Her: Pretty good. Did some shopping. Snapped a few photographs. You?
Him: Oh you know, the usual. Naked. Chained to a mesh fence next to a car park. That guy over there wrote something about balls on my chest. Typical Saturday really.

I found this courtesy of a photostream on flickr (probably need a free flickr account to view) created by Leon Kew (aka Q8765) who helpfully commented on an earlier post of mine. I believe it was originally posted on flickr by more_or_less.