Tag: Pro-domme

Unexpected Juxtaposition

I had one of those odd moments today where my kinky world and my regular world briefly crossed streams. I was waiting for my afternoon coffee while flipping through mainstream sites on my phone and totally not prepared for Mistress An Li to pop up in an opinion piece on a videogame site. 

The article in question is this one, and it’s a well written piece on the sexiness of the 2019 game Control. Sexiness in videogames is obviously nothing new, but in this case it’s less about the appearance of the protagonist and more about her confidence, power and mastery of her environment. That leads the writer into a BDSM connection and in turn to interviewing and quoting Mistress An Li (someone I sessioned with last year). I think the article does a great job of connecting all the dots together in a meaningful way, and not simply using a pro-domme or BDSM as clickbait. I was left surprised, impressed and with a desire to go play the game.

This image is from Mistress An Li’s instagram. You can also find her here on twitter and visit her professional site here. 

Mistress Adrienne

I was very sad to hear of the recent passing of Mistress Adrienne of NYC. While our paths never cross in real life, I always admired her obvious creativity and talent. She had an amazing reputation as a domme and fetishist, as shown by the numerous tributes being paid on social media – Mistress Blunt, Daddy An Li,  Mistress Morgan, Lady Sophia Larou, Mistress Iris, Michelle Lacy and too many more to list.

This site has featured her images in past posts (for example here, here and here). While dommes in fetishistic outfits aren’t exactly an unusual thing, for Mistress Adrienne fetish and fashion was clearly a hugely important part of her identity, creativity and aesthetic. She had an amazing sense of style and the dedication to make it work, as described in this anecdote by Amikoland.

I’ll finish with an image and tweet she shared back in November. It makes me tear up a little reading it now. Rest in Peace Mistress Adrienne.

Although I’m a woman of #blackleather & dark fantasy, I’m a soul of LIGHT 🕯 Days get darker in winter months, but The light never goes out for inspired & content people. How will you make the most of your current reality? #leathergoddess #inspiration

Heading Towards the Light

For anyone fed up with dark winter nights and holiday festivities, there is good news. In the Northern Hemisphere we just passed the Winter Solstice. That means we’ve turned the corner and are heading back towards lighter times. In just a few days all the holiday nonsense will be over and the days will slowly start getting longer.

Mistress Fox and her submissive marked the Solstice with this beautiful bondage scene. As you might guess, the petals were then beaten off him.

Mistress Fox is a NYC based pro-domme. I can’t find a website for her, but her twitter bio contains contact details for anyone interested in arranging a session.

Use Your Words (revisited)

My safeword post from last week generated a number of thoughtful comments. The general consensus seemed to be that simple open communication was a good way to go and that safewords didn’t need to be particularly original.

poe2600 raised the interesting point that most submissives are very resistant to using safewords, even when they probably should. I think there’s a good deal of truth in that, although there always exceptions. I remember one pro-domme telling me about a client who she call the traffic light guy. He thought he should accompany their entire session with a constant stream of  ‘green… green… yellow… green… yellow… red! red!… yellow.’ Needless to say that wasn’t exactly conducive to a good D/s dynamic. Exceptions aside, I think it is true that there’s a natural inclination to try and avoid breaking the flow of play with a safeword. Which makes for another good reason to use your words and communicate in a more graduated and subtle way than a simple go/stop approach.

The trickiest situations for me are those where I see a possible problem arising later in the session and have to make a judgement call on when or if to call it out earlier. Typically this is when complex bondage and layered sensations are involved. For example, playing in NYC earlier this year I had a situation involving some particularly painful nipple clamps, a straitjacket and a lot of leather straps. Nipple clamps are usually painful going on and off, but become numb when on. These were not reacting like that. The pain was high and not diminishing, but it wasn’t yet at my stop point. However, the domme was about to tighten the straitjacket over them and I could see a lot of leather straps ready to go around it. Adjusting the clamps when they were hidden under all those layers would be a significant undertaking.

My solution in these situations is always the same – given the domme the information and leave the decision to her. I might be misreading her plan and adjusting later will be easier than I expect. Or she might prefer to push on and deal with any adjustments if it becomes necessary. In this case I told her that they were intense and bearable for a short period, but possibly not something I could handle over an extended period. She then elected to swap them for a different pair before pulling all the bondage into place. The remainder of the session then unfolded flawlessly.

These situations are always tricky because they’re not a simple binary choice. I also don’t want to be another traffic light guy and overload the domme with feedback. It’s ultimately a judgement call based on the the likelihood of needing to adjust something and how difficult it looks like that adjustment will become.

I’m fairly certain this shot of bondage and nipple torture is of Domina Yuki. That’s not me in the photo, but I’ve done a very similar scene in that space.

Problem Solver

A few posts back I wrote that “…watching dommes creatively problem solve and experiment on me in realtime is hot AF.” Thanks to a recent blog post by Bastienne Cross, I’d also now add that reading about them doing kinky problem solving to craft compelling sessions is also pretty damn hot.

Before I go further and actually provide the post link, I should add that the kinky session in question is a full toilet one. There’s no explicit detail or pictures, but if the very thought of that squicks you out, then it’s probably best avoided. For everyone else, the post in question is here. It provides the backstory to the unusual toilet design that I featured in this previous post. I’m guessing the ‘Panda’ of the original scene is also who commented on that post.

I never thought I’d find myself impressed by someone coming up with creative and thoughtful ways to literally crap on people, but here we are. Life can lead you in odd directions at times.

This is the creative domme in question – Toronto based Bastienne Cross. Should scat play not be your thing, she has a pretty wide variety of other interests.

On the Steps at Night

Right now I should be somewhere warm and sunny relaxing with friends. I’d planned a non-kinky but fun getaway for a few days post Thanksgiving. Unfortunately I’ve been hit by one of the seasonal viruses that love to show up this time of year. So I figured I’d rather be miserable at home than miserable travelling. Bleah!

While I head off to crawl under a duvet, I’ll leave you with a totally random image to enjoy. This is pretty much the opposite of warm and sunny and has zero to do with seasonal bugs. I just spotted it via this tweet and loved the atmosphere of the shot. I believe that’s Mistress Niko Flux and Mistress Sybil Fury, both pro-dommes based out of NYC.

The image was posted by Kareem Montes, who I assume is the photographer.  You can see more great work from her via her instagram.

Command and Control

A few week ago Mistress Troy Orleans posted an interesting twitter thread on her approach to play and the difficulty of finding appropriate labels for it. I liked a lot of things about, particularly this sexy as hell digression, but I wanted to pick up on the following section in particular…

During a scene, I’m undeniably in control, but if something’s not working, I’ll adjust. My ego’s not attached to the action.

I think that’s an important point for people on both sides of the D/s equation. BDSM is complicated, particularly when doing heavy bondage or intense play. No matter how skilled the participants are – and Troy Orleans is very highly skilled – not everything will work out exactly as expected.

I’ve played with a small number of dommes who did tend to get frustrated or annoyed when a particular setup wasn’t working out as they’d imagined. Those were typically one off visits, because that reaction really kills the dynamic for me. I’m looking for someone in control, which means of themselves as well as of me. Control is about remaining in command of the situation when things don’t work, not trying to make the impossible possible. Plus, watching dommes creatively problem solve and experiment on me in realtime is hot AF.

On the flipside of the coin, from the submissive perspective, I think there can be a danger of treating play as a form of theater, with the domme as the actor and the submissive as both audience and props. That feeds into the bad idea of a scene as crafted narrative that needs to be executed for it to be successful. In reality it’s a highly collaborative process, where the end goal is a creation of a particular energy. Adjusting to something not work out should be viewed as part of building that energy, not a failure of the process. Variation and adaption are what make each experience unique.

Here’s a shot from Mistress Troy Orlean’s twitter feed of a man under her very tight control. You can see more media from her via her OnlyFans.

Floaty

A short post tonight. I’m still floating from Savannah Sly sticking a bunch of needles into me and calling me ‘a good boy’. Clothespins, electricity and breathplay may also have been involved. I’ve now got the kind of post session buzz going where I periodically pause whatever I’m doing, reflect on the night and smile to myself.

I’ll also add that while I’ve played with a lot of fancy BDSM furniture over the years, there’s something to be said for a simple padded table with a heated pad on it. It makes for a nice contrast to have one side of the body toasty, warm and comfortable while terribly painful things are happening to the other side. One might as well be comfortable while one is tortured.

This very sexy shot of Savannah is from her twitter feed. If you’d like to see more from her, she also has an OnlyFans you can follow.

A Schooling via Twitter

This twitter thread – featuring a man complaining to Dan Savage about the prices charged by pro-dommes – blew up big on my feed. Unsurprisingly a lot of dommes were unimpressed with his suggestion that they drop their rates to suit him. Dan summarized a collection of the responses in his column.

I’m not going to rehash the primary question. I think the answer to that was covered pretty extensively in the thread. I will say that I love his subconscious thought process that led to it. Presumably it went something like this: I want to be dominated. I can’t afford a pro-domme. That fact can’t possibly be my fault. It’s therefore a problem with the pro-dommes in my area. They obviously don’t understand how to run their business. Amazing that all of them are making the same mistake. I shall now write to the world to tell everyone of my insight!

Ironically, if it’s true that all the professional in his area are charging $250 an hour, then he’s actually getting a bit of a bargain. That was the average rate when I started playing almost a decade ago. These days it’s usually $300 and up, rising to $400+ in expensive areas like Manhattan or San Francisco.

In an effort to produce something positive from his letter, and aid anyone thinking of seeing a pro-domme for the first time, it might be worth clarifying the subject of tribute. He seems somewhat confused by the word. Possibly due to hanging out on social media with too many fin dommes.

Tribute is simply the fancy industry term for an hourly rate. If you’re playing with an independent domme, then you simply tribute for the length of session you desire. A small number of dommes do charge extra for certain equipment (e.g. single use medical supplies) or for certain activities (e.g. full toilet), but that’s relatively rare and those extras should all be announced and agreed upfront. Tips and gifts are obviously gratefully received, but never required *.

In the very unlikely event that you find yourself in a situation where fees are being negotiated mid-session, or you’re being upsold activities after starting play, or there’s not a clear understanding ahead of time of the total cost, then don’t walk away. Run as fast as possible. I’ve never had this happen to me. No competent professional will ever do it. But I have heard of it happening, particularly when dealing with escorts who offer domination services, and it’s a big red flag **.

I found this Tribute inspired T-Shirt available for sale here.

* This applies to independent dommes. For playing at a house dungeon, where the domme works as an independent contractor for the commerical dungeon, then you should always tip the domme.

** This applies to conventional BDSM sessions. If you’re mixing financial domination into your play, then obviously different rules may apply.

More Chicago Hijinks

As I’ve written in the past, I like to mix up my kinky play when travelling. I want to play with people I know to continue to build a rapport, but also play with people I’ve not met before to explore new dynamics and expand my kinky horizons. It’s not an algorithm that scales all that well, but it is fun to try.

For my recent Chicago trip, in the former category was Mistress Mara Mayhem, who I’ve known since 2016. In the latter category I was lucky enough to get some time with Olivia Black. She has an outstanding reputation as a talented and creative domme. After doing just one session with her, I can say that it’s thoroughly deserved.

We did a nice mix of caning, bondage and torturing my delicate parts (TDP), all delivered with the kind of caring sensual sadism that really pushes my buttons. I particularly enjoyed the trick of leaning in for a hug after attaching clothespins to my chest. There’s something attractively devilish about using a moment of closeness and contact to spike the pain levels by dragging against the pins. It’s a heady mix of pain and pleasure, where the boundaries between the two become very blurred.

This is Olivia Black shot by photographer Alejandra Gguerrero. If you’re in the Chicago area and interested in scheduling a session, you can find Olivia’s professional site here.  Her instagram is available here.