Tag: Pro-domme

Manners Maketh Man

A tweet by Mistress Tess recently caught my eye.

I was helping him into a dress. He put his hand near my shoulder and said “May I?” instead of just automatically putting his hand on my shoulder to balance. This is called having RESPECT AND MANNERS! It’s not okay to freely touch your Goddess. Remember that guys.

I liked this for a number of reasons. Firstly, politeness is all sorts of hot. I’m not big on high kink protocol,  but love the more gentle dance of manners and courtesy in daily life. Secondly, it reminded me of my yoga teacher, who is a stickler for checking before touching any part of me. Initially it made me smile. I’m not used to women checking before grabbing me. Over time I’ve come to appreciate it and her attention to that kind of detail.

Finally, I liked it because denial leads to desire. To be close to someone as amazing as Mistress Tess, to have her do terrible but wonderful things to you, and yet to not touch her is a gift in itself. To be so near, and yet so far. As a masochist I deal with pain by drawing on my feelings and submission to the domme. The deeper those feelings, the greater the reverence I hold for her, the harder and further I can push into intense play. Respect and restraint really helps build that kind of dynamic.

This image is from the website of Mistress Tess. The post title comes from this rather well done fight scene.

Tripping

On the face of it, this article about a poker player experiencing sensory deprivation to win a bet has nothing to do with femdom. However, I’m linking to it because sensory deprivation is definitely a kink and the hallucinations he experienced actually reminded me of some of my own experiences with that particular kink.

I’ve always been limited to a couple of hours of reduced senses, rather the days he went through. On the other hand, I mix in heavy bondage, pain and breath control, which certainly ups the intensity of the experience. A couple of times in the state I had a sense of space opening up around me, my consciousness drifting in a large dark void, with spinning yellow stars moving around me and away from me. In hindsight I’m surprised I didn’t freak out, particularly given that sensory deprivation is a pretty tough scene for me to handle at the best of times. I think I intuitively knew, much like the poker player in the article, that embracing the vision and relaxing into it was the key to handling it. If memory serves me correctly, it only lasted a short period before I was quickly snapped back to reality by the domme electrocuting my testicles. That’s always guaranteed to capture a man’s attention.

This image is from Lady Hinako. From her blog and twitter feed she’s clearly an expert at heavy bondage and sensory deprivation scenes. I particularly like the contrast in this image between the cute doll like figure and the obvious immobilization and sensory restriction the man inside is experiencing.

Vulnerability

Mistress Lola Ruin has published a lovely blog post on her experiences of sharing her own vulnerability with slaves and letting the facade of being a perfect dominant Goddess slip. I like the post a lot because I’ve always thought the idea of needing to present a perfect invulnerable facade to be a great domme was badly flawed. Deep down we know that we’re all human, so to pretend otherwise lacks authenticity. A domme shouldn’t have to fit herself into a submissive’s fantasy in order to be respected and exalted. Those things should come even with knowledge of the dommes humanity and vulnerabilities. That’s what makes them meaningful.

Mistress Lola Ruin is  a pro-domme based in Manchester, UK. You find her twitter feed here and information on arranging a session with her here.

A Trio of Asian-American Dominatrixes

Allure magazine has an interesting article on three Asian-American dommes. It features Mistress Lucy Sweetkill, Domina Dia Dynasty and Yin Q, and describes some of their experiences dealing with the stereotypes that come with the job and their ethnicity.

Even at her former job in fashion, Lucy’s employees would refer to her as a “dragon lady,” in both an endearing and negative way. She likes the association. “Yes, that’s definitely me. I’m a boss ass bitch,” Lucy says proudly. The association certainly helps in her positionality as a dominatrix and sex worker: She says her clients fear her.

I think the article does a pretty good job of describing BDSM and kink to its non-kinky readers, while also still giving some interesting perspectives to those of us who frequent sites like this one.

Although the online version is in Allure magazine, the article was originally published in Banana Magazine, issue 4.

Happy New Year!

New Year’s Eve is upon us once more. That brings to a close a pretty good year in kink for me. I got to meet some amazing new dommes (Mistress Tess, Mistress Damiana, Ms. Savannah Sly) as well as renewing my acquaintance with some great dommes I’d played with in past years (Domina Yuki,  Troy Orleans, Mistress Mara, Mistress Iris, Mistress Lucy). My scheduling was a bit erratic, with big gaps with no play at all, and then bursts where I crammed in a lot of sessions. So that’s something I need to work on for next year. I’m also hoping to fit in a trip back to the UK in 2019, which’ll give me an opportunity to meet some new dommes and get beaten for the first time in the old country.

I wish all my readers the best for 2019. I hope it brings you a lot of kinky fun. And thanks to everybody who contributed comments to this blog over the past year or interacted with me via email or twitter. I always appreciate your input and feedback.

It’s traditional to get dressed up and go out and party on the last night of the year. That’s certainly my plan, although I doubt I’ll look quite as stylish as Lady Mephista’s slave does in this image.

This is from a tweet on Lady Mephista’s twitter feed.

Dick Dilemma

I always enjoy discovering something that is simultaneously entirely new to me and, at the same time, completely obvious in hindsight. That sense of being surprised and then cynically not surprised at all is somehow very satisfying. My latest example of this in action is a tweet by Bastienne Cross, quoted below.

Forced Bi Fans: SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF WITH YOUR DICK PICKINESS. Either be willing to pay more for me to hire a professional for you or SUCK WHATEVER FUCKING DICK I PUT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH.

You’d think that the point of a ‘forced bi’ scene would be to deal with an unwanted dick situation, but of course fantasy and reality have a way of diverging in unexpected ways. While I sympathize with Mistress Cross, I do think there’s a lot of comedy potential in the scenario. I picture the submissive going from “Oh no, please don’t make me Mistress. That’s so dirty” into “Oh no…jeez, what the fuck is that? Wow. Like seriously. You think I’m sticking that in my mouth?”

As is often the case – when you want reality to match your fantasy, hire a professional to make it happen. Good looking cocks don’t often show up for free.

I’m afraid I don’t know where this image originates from. However, I would say it’s a fair bet that most of Bastienne Cross’ force-bi fans would not complain if this particular dick was presented to them.

Needles and Rubber Bands

I’ve posted images from a fair number of my sessions in 2018, but I don’t think any of them have been from my adopted hometown of Seattle. That’s not because I haven’t been exploring kink here. I took a break of a year or so after Lydia retired, but since I’ve been venturing out more into the Seattle scene. I suspect my lack of Seattle posts is probably due a sense of uncertainty. When you’re trying to figure out dynamics and what works, there’s little time left over for documentary footage. Fortunately in the last few months I’ve gotten a touch more grounded, thanks to a series of great sessions with the fabulous Ms Savannah Sly.

Leading up to the holiday period we did a couple of sessions that were just a week apart. A wide variety of kinky fun was featured, with a big part of it focused on my upper chest. The first session featured a beautiful array of needles as shown here. She started on the outside with the smallest gauge (25) and worked inwards, finishing with the biggest gauge (18). You can see the thickness variation in this close-up shot here. I have to say that while the result was very pretty, the ordering was particularly evil. The breastbone and thinner flesh makes the inner needles more painful, so combining that with the bigger gauge really got a good loud reaction out of me.

The second session featured (among other things) an innocuous office supply that turned out to be way more painful than a needle in the flesh. My schooldays  taught me that a rubber band could sting if someone fired it at you across a room. I just never knew just how painful they could be when applied at close range. This image shows the resulting stripe marks across my chest. A significant amount of screaming was involved in their creation. You can actually still see the bruising from the needles under them. I’ve seen plenty of femdom shots in office and school settings, but never have I seen the domme whip out a rubber band and start snapping it against flesh. They’re really missing out. I’ve still got the marks two weeks later.

I’d hate to leave everyone with the image of my bruised chest in their brains, so here’s a lovely spanking shot of Ms Savannah Sly from her site. She’s also on twitter here.

Seasons Beatings

I’ll take a brief break from talking about the morality and ethics of kinky activities, to plug a kinky Christmas party. It’s in LA on the 15th, at the beautiful Chi Temple, and features a bevy of fabulous dommes. I sadly can’t be there, but I’ve played privately with a number of the dommes involved, and I know them to be very fun and talented individuals. Plus, check out this photo. Not only did they get together for the promo shot, they got festive hats and appropriately color coordinated outfits. Now that’s professionalism.

See this link for more details on the party.

The Pleasure Revolution

The Guardian has an interesting article on female sexual pleasure featuring five women speaking out on the topic. It packs in a lot of complex issues, and left me wanting to hear more from everyone interviewed. From the perspective of this blog, the most relevant voice was the last one featured, that of Reba Maybury. The article labels her as a dominatrix, but she seems to be part performance artist, part political agitator and part pro-domme. It’s hard to tell from the article if kink is an intrinsic part of her life or just an interesting tool for exploring power dynamics and gender politics.

What struck me as particularly odd was this section…

A socialist of mixed-race background, Maybury only dominates white, preferably right-wing, men. “I can’t force myself to be even fictionally cruel to any other type of man. It makes the performance a lot easier,” she says. “I could never be mean to someone who wasn’t white, because the world is run by white men, isn’t it?”

To a kinky submissive person such as myself that seems …. odd. Her white, right-wing male clients will doubtless enjoy being dominated. That is after all why they reach out to her. I’m sure being called selfish, disgusting, misogynistic assholes is exactly what some of them desire. On the other hand, a non-white or left-wing man who would also enjoy being dominated, has to go without. So she meets the needs of those she dislikes and withholds it from those she supports. That doesn’t seem optimal.

I think it’s absolutely possible to mix kink and progressive politics. For example, as I covered here with Mistress Couple and the Trump voters. I also love the idea of Dominatrix Maybury getting her right wing submissives to help her create a book whose profits go to sex workers. That’s a fabulous concept. But as she recognizes at the end of the article, our kinks and our politics align in complex ways and they don’t necessarily influence each other. If you want to punish wealthy white conservatives, then maybe don’t beat or humiliate them if that’s what makes their dicks hard?

I’m not sure who this man voted for, but he’s a white guy in a suit, so there’s at least a chance he matches up with Reba Maybury’s criteria. The sexy bondage here comes courtesy of the TS Seduction site.

The little details

I had a very functional view of bondage when I was a neophyte kinkster. Adding anything that wasn’t being used to hold a limb in place was wasted time and effort. After all, what’s the point of wrapping up toes, fingers or torsos if you’re already immobilized?

Time and experience has taught me that there’s a lot of pleasure to be had in the little details. What was taken for granted suddenly becomes a point of focus. It’s all about the intimacy of control. A strange but hot combination of caring and objectification. Her focus makes my body important, but her actions reduce my sense of self. I must be just as she wants me, in every detail.

This image is from a tweet by Alchemical Seductress. She’s the headmistress of the Ritual Chamber in Toronto.