Pro-domme – Page 30 – Femdom Resource

Negotiating directions

If you’ve never visited a pro-domme you might expect that setting up a first visit involves discussion around interests, activities and compatibility. You’d probably expect basic instructions on cost and session etiquette. And with a good pro-domme all those things do happen. However, what you might be surprised by is the level of detailed instruction you’ll receive on finding the play space. Often it’s a multi-step process like some sort of complicated blackmail pickup scheme. You have to go to a particular street corner, then call a particular number and await further instructions. Alternatively you’ll get a lengthy email detailing exactly where to park, how to approach the building, what to say if questioned and which doors you should and absolutely should not knock on. There’s one SF playspace that had several pages worth of instructions just on how to get in, and apparently I got the cut down version of it!

Although I’m poking fun here, I absolutely get why people do this. I’m sure most pro-dommes live in dread of idiotic clients pissing off their neighbors and attracting the attention of the law. Nobody needs a horny guy in a gimp suit wandering around the alley behind their house clutching a fistful of hundreds and prostrating themselves on random doorsteps.

If you want to know what can happen when neighbors take an unwelcome interest, just take a look at this story featuring Mistress Evilyne. By all accounts she’d done absolutely nothing wrong. The fact people are quoted as “concerned the children might be exposed to something that they shouldn’t see at their age” makes me instantly hate them. There’s nothing that denotes petty small mindedness more than an appeal to think of the children. However, whatever the rights or wrongs, that didn’t stop the press featuring her whiny neighbors in numerous stories, including one from a national paper I hate too much to link to. Happily most of the comments to this instance of the story, including one from Mistress Evilyne herself, suggest a generally unconcerned and broadminded British public.

The happy image above is taken from Mistress Evilyne’s site. She’s actually featured in a previous post of mine, at a particularly distinctive London location. If you’re in the Orpington region and would like to see her in person, then her site contains all you need to know. Just try not to slam your car door too loudly when you arrive or accidentally corrupt any of the local children.

Just hanging out

While browsing tumblr for a good strap-on picture for yesterday’s post I stumbled on the image below. It’s one of those shots that I love while being baffled by it.

There’s a very attractive lady, but she seems to be relaxing in a urban wasteland. There’s a big black strap-on, but nobody to fuck. There’s high heels and lingerie, next to a barbed wire fence and graffiti clad concrete.

Don’t get me wrong – I like the photograph. I just can’t help thinking about the 10 minutes before the shutter was pressed. How did they get here? And what was the conversation leading up to it? Did they originally set out to capture this particular shot? Did someone stumble across this setting and think to themselves – “Interesting gritty urban space. What would really work here is a half naked blonde lady sporting an enormous black strap-on.” ?

The attractive lady in question here is Mistress Adrienne. As you might guess from the skyline, she’s a NYC based pro-domme. If you’re interested in experience her large strap-on for yourself, you can find her session information here.

T & D

Mistress T has a nice post up on the joy of not fucking her. It’s all about the pleasure (from her perspective at least) of tease and denial. I like it because it’s a topic that pushes my buttons. I’m not a fan of the humiliation slant it can take (the ‘not worthy to fuck’) but I do like the teasing aspect (the ‘oh you’re so close’).

It got me thinking about why sexual denial and frustration can be so hot. Generally speaking I’m not someone known for his patience. As a kid reading instructions and getting the right tools was never a starting point for a project. That was something that happened later, once I’d already dived in and screwed everything up with my ignorant enthusiasm. Learning to delay gratification is a good thing. I just always thought the delay should be really really small.

I wonder if for me the delight in tease and denial came about as a process of transference. Maybe it started with trying to prolong pleasure. Stretching out the moment amplified the sensations. Do that often enough and the happy brain chemicals start being associated more with the build-up than the actual event itself. By trying to make the moment last, I trained my brain to link pleasure to the promise rather than the reward. And while a reward can sometimes be disappointing, a promise never can.

Cheap celebrities

Last month I featured a post on Taylor Swift and her recent fetishistic music video. I wasn’t surprised to read in a follow-up article that a lot of the outfits for the video came from the LA based Stockroom. What did astonish me was that they actually returned the majority of the items. Can you do actually do that? It’s not like they hadn’t been used. The evidence is right there in the video. And it was only $13,000 worth of stuff to start with. I’ve no idea what it cost to make that video, but I’d guess the wardrobe was a pretty small fraction of the total.

Personally if I ran the Stockroom I’d have had a special ‘as worn by someone famous’ sale running the moment the used goods came back in my direction. It’s not like they’re running a rental service over there.

Of course this topic does me the perfect excuse to feature someone looking lovely in something fetishistic. This is Ms Ava Zhang, an LA based pro-domme.

If you’re in the LA region and interested in seeing her latex collection in person, her etiquette page is here and her contact information here.

D is not an evolution of s

As I was writing yesterday’s post on La Domaine Esemar I had a nagging feeling it was a subject I’d covered before. Searching past posts didn’t find anything, but my bookmark list turned up this article from The Daily Beast. It’s an article I’d intended to post about but never got around to. It’s similar to the Cosmos article, giving background on the people and the Chateau, but provides a lot more detail and context. It’s certainly an interesting article, but there’s one really infuriating part in it.

This deep-seeded dedication to submission, and potential subsequent evolution into dominance, is one of the ways that La Domaine sets itself apart from the commercialized BDSM scene in New York City. People are encouraged to experience both sides, traditionally starting as a submissive and moving into a dominant role, to more fully understand the symbiotic nature of the lifestyle, whereas in other parts of the subculture people will adhere to one or the other for superficial reasons rather than trying, over time, to explore the inner-workings of their sexuality and come to a honest consensus about their true nature as a submissive or a dominant.

Firstly, dominance is not an evolution of submission. The two states are peers and partners. One is not a more advanced lifeform than the other. Secondly, the idea that it’s necessary to explore both sides to fully understand one’s true sexual nature is ludicrous. Are straight people superficial if they don’t first explore same sex relationships? Or have gay people not reached a honest consensus about themselves if they haven’t tried sleeping with someone of the opposite sex? If someone is curious or just uncertain then by all means explore. People’s desires can change and knowledge is a wonderful thing. D/s is not necessarily a binary choice, but some people know deep in their bones what works for them. The above quote smacks of ‘one true path’ bullshit and BDSM hierarchies, and that always drives me nuts.

The above image is Mistress Couple with a slave at La Domaine Esemar.

The law is an ass

I’ve covered the stupidity of the UK’s new anti-sex laws in past posts here, here and here. When you give unelected bodies censorious powers it’s only going to be matter of time before they use them. As this article makes clear, that time has now come. Two UK pro-dommes – Megara Furie and Mistress R’eal – have been found at fault and forced to withdraw content. When the laws were passed there were multiple articles highlighting how horribly biased they would be in penalizing independent female producers (for example this and this). No surprise then that the first people to be affected are two independent pro-dommes. The UK government is all in favor of successful small businesses, just as long as they’re not run by women producing consensual erotica for others to enjoy.

What I found particularly laughably in the article was that the goverment board also threw out the old chestnut about minors being able to access the material. Have these people never encountered tumblr? Obviously I don’t support kids seeing explicit material, but when it comes to censoring online sources, that horse has long since bolted. In fact not only bolted, but had a happy life frolicking in meadows, died of old age, been turned into glue and is now helping old ladies scrapbook photos of the grandchildren.

Sadly, based on the latest UK election results, it looks like the people who passed this law will be returning to power. Thus proving that while the good may die young, the evil get elected to power and fuck with the rest of us.

The above image is of Megara Furie, the Glasgow based pro-domme penalized under the new laws. If you’d like to session with her then her contact information can be found here.

Arched chair

I’m traveling again. This time I’m taking a long weekend vacation down in San Francisco. Kinky play, good food and fine wine will be featured heavily. Blog posts may be interspersed between those three.

For an image I’m featuring Selina Minx enjoying two of my three favorite vacation activities. I can only wish I was this flexible. Some people cringe at images of piercing, or heavy whipping or claustrophobic bondage. For me, I cringe at shots like this that involve awkward angles and pressure on the lower back. I guess that’s a sign of getting older.

I found this on Selina Minx’s tumblr.

Marie Claire talk to Ms Mona Rogers

If I was ever thinking of introducing a regular weekly feature, it’d probably be an interview with a dominatrix. These wouldn’t be interviews given by me I hasten to add. Just random interviews I find in the press. I could easily dig one out a week. They seem to be a common way for a mainstream publication to combine a human interest story with some salacious sex talk.

Since a certain movie came out I’ve seen dozens of examples, most of which I’ve ignored. However, I did like this one in (all of places) Marie Claire with the NYC domme Ms Mona Rogers. It’s informative, interesting and approaches the subject in a very positive way. I can imagine somebody reading it and wanting to learn more. It also features some excellent photographs by Kathryn Wirsing.

The image below is Ms Rogers taking her ease on a suitably positioned male. I don’t believe it was taken by Kathryn Wirsing, but unfortunately I don’t have an attribution for the photographer. If you’d like to see more of Ms Roger her professional website is here.

Short back and sides

After receiving some positive comments on my recent shaving post I thought it’d be worth doing a follow-up. It doesn’t appear to be a particularly common fetish, at least judging by the available images online. However, as you might expect, where there’s a sexual interest, there’s someone there to help address it. The images below are from Ms Tytania, a London based pro-domme. She runs an enforced shaving and grooming salon, which sounds ideal for all UK kinksters with a barber fetish.

I’ve only been shaved in sessions three times and, oddly enough, all three were in LA. I’m not sure if that’s a SoCal cultural thing around grooming or simply a coincidence. I’m always very clean but can get a little hirsute in the lower regions. The shavings themselves were fine. It was the prickling growth in the days afterwards that caught my attention. I could never quite decide if it was a happy reminder of recent fun or was simply itchy and annoying. I guess it was both.

Cosmo article shocker

Mocking sex articles from Cosmopolitan magazine is no great challenge, although it can be amusing. They have a reputation for coming up with some ridiculous advice. For example, I give you toilet paper bondage.

When I saw an article from them entitled ‘I took my boyfriend to a dominatrix‘ I therefore didn’t have particularly high hopes, but it’s actually not terrible. Admittedly it’s a very short, fluffy throw-away piece. Yet there’s no jaw dropping idiocy in it or horrible factual errors. They were also smart enough to pick a talented and well known domme in the form of Mistress Wynter. I can almost imagine a couple reading the article and being encouraged to try a visit themselves.

I’ve always thought that more people should treat sex workers as an educational resource, particularly when it comes to BDSM. After all very few people would take up a sport or hobby that required specialized skills and used a variety of potentially dangerous equipment and then expect to make it up as they went along. Particularly if said dangerous equipment was in the vicinity of their naked genitals. In that situation smart people either join a local club or hire a professional instructor. BDSM obviously offers the club option, but not everyone wants to mix a social scene into their sexual play. In that case a pro-domme is an excellent alternative for learning new techniques.

Above image is of Mistress Wynter with a hooded slave as photographed by Anthelian. She’s a NYC based pro-domme and if you’re interested in utilizing her educational skills her contact info is here.