Pro-domme – Page 33 – Femdom Resource

Missed opportunity

Advice columns have become far more entertaining thanks to the spread of the internet and the more open sexual culture that has gone along with it. Instead of questions on gift etiquette or workplace squabbles, we now get questions about what to do when your friend’s new girlfriend turns out to be your dominatrix.

I don’t think the basic advice given – ‘stop seeing her’ – is necessarily wrong, but the logic and framing of the response is horrible. It would seem like a good opportunity to reduce the stigma of sex work and focus on the work aspect of it. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant or a pro-domme. If you’re overlapping a professional relationship with a social one then there are a few obvious questions to answer. For example: What happens if I need to end just the professional relationship? What information am I comfortable sharing with someone in both circles? Is this likely to lead to a conflict of interest? What are the odds of problems in one form of the relationship spilling over into the other?

It might be that the answers to these questions indicate that there’s not a problem to resolve. I can conceive of some relationships and social groups where mixing in pay for play wouldn’t be an issue, although this particular case doesn’t sound like one. But there’s no reason to make this specifically about sex and and sex work. It’s really about making smart decisions that minimize risk for everyone involved.

Having missed one opportunity the columnist then really screws the pooch by making the blanket statement that ‘sex workers are not notorious for their long, stable relationships.’ So rather than reduce stigma she manages to increase it with a gratuitously offensive stereotype. She might have got the basic answer right, but the rest of the column is a huge fail.

The artwork is by the artist Camille MM. Given the original letter writers description of his sessions, it seems like an appropriate one.

Just another day at the office

This rather playful image is from Mistress Jadis. It’s not the typical pro-domme shot (despite the latex) and I like it particularly for that reason.

Mistress Jadis actually has a couple of different galleries. Her archive images are far more traditional domme shots – lots of her looking wonderful in latex and corsets. Her more recent gallery is themed in this very 40’s and 50’s style. Purely on a simple button pushing capacity, the traditional shots do more for me. I like the aesthetics of the retro-shots, but it’s not a look that features in many fantasies. However, if I was in the Sydney region and looking for a pro-domme, it’d be the retro-shots that would catch my eye. The reason being that every pro-domme has a gallery of her looking great in fetishwear. Featuring something different, something lighthearted and playful, that’s intriguing. It makes me wonder what kind of fun and interesting sessions we could do together.

The photographer for this was Bexterity. If you’re in the Sydney region and intrigued by Mistress Jadis then her list of interests is available here.

Rope & heels

I love the fact that this very intricate bondage is both beautiful and functional. Shibari is frequently aesthetically pleasing, but can sometimes look impractical for serious play or simply be ornate without restraining. This pulls off all the elements. I particularly like the detailing around his feet and legs. Those heels look painful, but I don’t think he’s going to be getting away.

This is by Mistress Juri from Ginza Prezis, as featured previously in this post.

Abusing a term

I maintain a Google alert on the term ‘dominatrix’. I originally figured that if the term popped up in a news article it’d be a likely article for me to post about. In actuality what it means is that I get an endless stream of links to articles featuring celebrities wearing something that, if you squint and don’t concentrate too hard, could be vaguely considered to be fetish wear. It doesn’t seem to matter what it is, or what the context is, just so long as it’s slightly non-conventional.

Some of them I kind of understand (for example this) while others are completely ridiculous (for example this). The latest example, and one that falls firmly into the ridiculous camp, is Kylie Minogue, with this and then this. Kylie is undoubtedly a very attractive woman, but I’ve played with a lot of amazing dommes, and not one of them has worn anything like those outfits. If you’re going to call something a dominatrix outfit then may I suggest this outfit by Mistress Shae Flanigan as a reference point? Obviously you can be dominant in anything you damn well choose, including fuzzy slippers. But if you’re going to invoke cliches, at least make sure it’s an accurate one.

Pro Dommes of NY

The latest site that has been catching my eye is entitled ‘Pro Dommes of NY‘. As the name suggests, it’s a collection of images of professional dommes from New York, stretching back over the last couple of decades. I can’t say I care for it’s sub-title – “…from the icons & super-stars to the mediocre and has-beens.” That last couple of categories seems rude and unnecessary. Despite that, I find the site itself fascinating, although I’m not sure I can clearly say why.

I don’t visit New York that often, and I’ve only played there a handful of times, so this certainly isn’t a trip down memory lane for me. Some of the image and dommes are undoubtedly beautiful (see below), but the same could be said for the images on hundreds of current pro-domme sites spread across the web. I think it’s the element of time that makes it interesting for me. It makes me wonder about the person behind each shot: Where are they now? What do they think about it in hindsight? How did their career and life evolve? The images are public, deliberately revealing, and designed to advertise. Yet, what they advertised was a very private experience, and in many cases the character they’re advertising no longer exists, it has been retired by its creator.

We’re used to cleanly dividing the world into real and pretend parts. A bank manager is always real. Romeo and Juliet are pretend characters. An actor is sometimes real (accepting an award) and sometimes pretend (on the stage). I think pro-dommes blurs these boundaries in unusual ways, and each to different degrees. A session with one is both real (I have the welts to prove it) and pretend. Looking at this tumblr, and in particular the older images of ex-dommes, really brings that home to me.

This image is of Mistress Tess, a NYC pro-domme who is still very much active. Anytime I see a mainstream magazine article featuring a pro-domme they inevitably describe themselves a leading or top domme from wherever they hail from. While I’ve yet to have the pleasure of playing with Mistress Tess, from everything I’ve read about her, I think she’s one of the handful of New York dommes who could make that boast and be entirely truthful. If you’re New York based and would like to see her then check out her website.

A pinch in a cage

Plan A for today’s post was to write up my experiences with Mistresses Yuki and Ai-Li from last weekend. Unfortunately I invested too much time in the creation of competitive interactive multimedia experiences (i.e. playing videogames on my couch) and it’s now too late for that. So Plan B became find something interesting on tumblr and post that.

I picked a few tumblrs completely at random, and followed a few links at random, and within a few minutes I spotted a post with the beautiful shots below. I loved the severity of the cage and the hood combined with the tenderness of the pinch and hand on the head. Something about the space seemed familiar however, as did the dominant. Could that actually be Yuki? Sure enough, a quick check on her tumblr showed that it was. Millions of erotic tumblr images floating around and that’s the one I stumble across to post. I’ve actually played in that space, and I think it’s the same cage that’s behind me in this shot. Small, small world.

Hooded kiss

Here’s something simple yet beautiful to start the weekend. A lovely blend of rope bondage, sensory deprivation and sweet sensuality. This is Mistress Juri from Ginza Prezis.

I originally stumbled across this image on the Sensual Fetish tumblr.

Caught in a rope web

I enjoyed some rope bondage with Lydia tonight and now I’m left with some beautiful rope marks across my torso. I was positioned on my back, but rather than simple anchor me at the wrists and ankles, Lydia used a number of ropes to enmesh by whole body. Everything was in tension, the ropes working against each other so I could constantly feel them hugging me. Typically I don’t struggle much in bondage, so I can sometimes almost forget that I’m tied up. There was no danger of that tonight, as every breath and twitch pulled against the web that held me.

The image below is obviously a suspension scene, which is a little different to mine, but I’m guessing he’ll also be left with some nice rope marks afterwards. The domme and rigger is Ms Tytania of London. You can see more image from the same session in this post. Suspension is always fun, but I particularly like the little teasing touch on his cock in this shot.

If you’d like the chance to enjoy some of Ms Tytania skills in person, her contact information is available here.

The serious end of the flogger

Mentioning Dan Savage in yesterday’s post prompted me to go and catch up with the latest entries in his advice column – ‘Savage Love’. It’s an entertaining column and his answers are frequently funny and insightful. Even the comments, normally garbage on any popular mainstream public forum, can be thoughtful.

For kink lovers his column from a couple of weeks back, entitled Working the Kinks Out, was particular relevant. Of the three kinky folk featured, the letter that caught me eye was the third one on the page, sent by a woman married to a submissive man. She didn’t fancy ‘squeezing into an uncomfortable corset and using a flogger on him’ so allowed him to see a pro-domme. Now she’s upset that he’s going too often and spending too much money. Dan’s answer is a fair one, but I think it’s impossible to judge the situation without a hell of a lot more context than the letter gives. What really piqued my interest was the comments that followed the column.

As you’d expect the comments covered a lot of viewpoints, but a common one was that she should stop complaining and start hitting him. The reasons given ranged from being GGG, being financially smart, learning to like it, not being selfish and it’s easy once you try it. I’m all for more women topping and playing the dominant role, but I can’t help feeling that these comments overlook the complexity of D/s play. I wonder if they’d say the same kind of thing if the husband were dominant and wanted to tie her up and beat her? Would they suggest a non-submissive should just suck it up, stop being selfish and take the punishment? I doubt it.

Submission is often treated as something fixed, an in-built need that must be satisfied. Conversely dominance is treated as an act or activity, an option that can be turned on or off. I understand that coming from a vanilla perspective (nobody wants pain, but anyone can choose to inflict it), but it doesn’t make sense from a kinky background. Dominating someone is a very complex dynamic, and scenes can create a lot of powerful emotions. Nobody should feel they have to tap into that kind of energy if they don’t want to. I don’t know where the wife in question chose to draw the kinky line in the sand, but I do think she can’t choose to be dominant anymore than he can choose to not be submissive.

Given the letter writer seemed unhappy about using a flogger, this seemed a particularly apt picture to use. This lady certainly doesn’t seem unhappy about her flogging options. This is from a 2012 Divine Bitches shoot with Phoenix Marie and Parker London.

Share the wealth

I’m a fan of Maitresse Madeline. As an independent and a kink.com performer I think she’s produced some interesting material, and I’ve featured some of it here in the past (for example – here, here and here). Apparently I’m not alone in appreciating her work, as somebody just paid $42,000 in an auction for a 1 hour web cam session with her. Assuming it’s not a stunt by the kink.com PR people, I’d guess that’s the most anyone has ever paid for a webcam session.

I’m not somebody who gets upset at rich people spending money. Moving cash from the wealthy to the less wealthy seems a fine thing to do. However, no matter how attractive and talented Maitresse Madeline might be, this didn’t strike me as an entirely optimal use of this gentleman’s kinky dollar. That got me to wondering what kind of alternative experience he could have got for the money.

Let’s stick to the West coast of the US. This guy was from Australia, so a first class round trip ticket will set him back around $6,000. Obviously he’ll need somewhere nice to stop, say a suite at the Beverly Wilshire (setting for the film Pretty Woman) at $1,500 a night. He’ll also need wheels to get around, and a Ferrari 458 runs to around $2,000 a day to hire. If we assume a 5 day trip, and throw in $500 per day for fine dining, that’s $26,000 so far. Now we get to the kinky stuff. I don’t think Maitresse Madeline does private sessions anymore but there are any number of gorgeous and amazingly talented dommes on the West Coast. For example, the famous Isabella Sinclair has recently started offering sessions again. Let’s shoot for an entire weekend of crazy kinky fun. At $300 per hour, that’s $14,400 for 48 hours and grand total of $40,400. That leaves him $1555 to splurge at the Stockroom retail store, with $45 left over to tour the kink.com Armory location.

Or, as a not at all crazy alternative to all this decadence, he could have a 1 hour web cam session. Let’s hope his network connection doesn’t freeze.

The image shows Maitresse Madeline doing a zippering in a shoot for Divine Bitches. I love the look on his face and the puckering of his skin as the zipper pulls away. Having been in that position many time I can definitely empathize.