The beauty of dominant women
I always enjoy biting, and being bitten on the scrotum seems a particularly fiendishly fun place to do it. There are so many different sensations that could be created via pinching, tugging and nipping. She certainly seems to be enjoying it. Also that’s a kind of cool metal thing he has on. Not quite sure what you’d call it, but I assume it acts a bit like a cock ring.
I found this on The New Bootblack’s Oubliette tumblr site.
After all the long, argumentative and wordy recent posts, I thought a return to a little visual loveliness might be in order.
These three images caught my eye for a number of reasons. She’s obviously very beautiful. I love the contrasting black of the lingerie and hair, with her delicate skin tone and slash of red lips. I also like the setting. Warm woods and fabrics make a nice change from dungeon drabness. But that really grabbed me was her serene expression. She’s not aloof or cold, just calm, composed and in control.
I found these on the Gorean Karirus tumblr site.
My recent couple of posts on pro-dommes and D/s dynamics (here and here) got me thinking once again about categorization. I’ve posted on this in the past, most recently here, but the pro-domme angle got me thinking about it in a slightly different way. As the post title suggests, I’m defining three basic groupings.
Masochists are internal. They’re focused on their own sensations and headspace. In an activity like a caning they enjoy the sharp impact against their flesh, the imperceptibly delayed rush of pain and the flood of endorphins that result. They find their fulfillment by looking inwards.
In contrast fetishists are external. They find satisfaction in physical objects, materials and activities. Typically people think of a fetish as targeting a material like leather or an object like high heels, but I think an activity can be equally fetishized. To continue the caning example, a fetishist might enjoy the ceremony of it. The click of the mistresses high heels as she circles behind him. The cut-off view of the her legs and feet as she takes positions. The warm-up swish. The rhythmic delivery of each strike. He find fulfillment in experiencing the external thing he fetishizes.
Submissives are all about taking the internal and making it external. They want to take things they normally control, key parts of their self-autonomy, and put them into the hands of someone else. Kinky acts or equipment are just tools to aid or emphasize this exchange. For a submissive a caning isn’t simply about the act or the pain. It’s about the dominant taking over his internal sensorium. Using pain to block even his internal thought processes. It’s that moment when the dominant pauses and then says with a smile “I think maybe 6 more.” That beautiful moment of decision about the submissive but not by the submissive.
There three groups are of course overlapping. I think a lot of non-dominant kinky males would identify to some degree with all of them. I’d typically not describe myself as a fetishist, but I still appreciate an exciting latex outfit or a striking pair of shiny leather boots. I think they key to figuring our your primary kinky wiring is to contemplate which of them you could do without. That really help crystallize the “nice bonus to have” against the “this is fundamentally who I am”. Personally, when I think about it in those terms, it’s clear that I’m primarily submissive. I could be dominated painlessly by a woman in sweatpants and still find it hot. Conversely, extreme sensations and a dungeon full of kinky gear would be no fun at all without the added element of control.
The reason I started thinking about these groupings in connection with pro-dommes is that these three categories represent three different types of client. That fact becomes self-evident when you look at posts on pro-domme discussion forums. Some people fixate on their internal sensations, some on the appearance or activities they enjoy and some on the dynamic they’re looking for.
This leads to a lot of confusion. For one thing they’re all called professional dominants, where in some specific cases professional sadist or professional fetish fantasy fulfiller might be a more appropriate title. For another thing their clients don’t typically make these kind of distinctions either. Both a pain junky and a foot fetishist might call themselves submissive, keying off the ‘domme’ part of the name. I guess it’s therefore not surprising that discussions of power, control and desire get particularly complicated in this area.
As a final comment, I will note that the key to my own understand of where I fall in the above categories has come from playing with pro-dommes. If you’d asked me five years ago about my sexual wiring I’d have never described myself as a submissive. Instead, once I’d finished blushing, I’d have described the external fetish elements – kinky clothes and activities. The things I saw in traditional BDSM images and videos. It was only when I started playing for real that I started understanding and appreciating the critical importance of the D/s dynamic. That’s something that I think is very hard to grasp when your relationships are vanilla and all your kink comes via porn.
Once again, this is yet another post where I’m somewhat at a loss to think of an appropriate illustrating image. So I’ll just go with one I happened to find recently and like.
I came across this one on the Finally & Finally tumblr site.
Sorry, but this post doesn’t describe any secret techniques for achieving them. Instead it’s a collection of looped animations featuring milking, teasing and ruined orgasms. I’m not a fan of having the flicker of animations on my front page, so click on the pictures to see the animated versions in their tumblr postings.
Fans of domestic style discipline, cross-dressing and foot/leg worship may appreciate the artwork of Juan Puyal.
Lady Annisa has an interesting new post up that prompted a little reflection and thought on my part.
I enjoyed the post for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the temporary role reversal, with the medically inclined domme ending up in the local A&E unit is an unusual ending to a session! Obviously getting gashed on the scalp isn’t exactly amusing, but the picture she paints of the scene with the fresh faced registrar certainly is. Secondly, I also appreciated it as an illustration of just how into a scene a domme, and specifically a pro-domme, can get. Here’s someone so into playing with a particular submissive they don’t even notice a suture worthy head wound. It’s not until the blood starts splattering around that they figure out what’s going on.
There is a school of thought, often expressed by lifestyle female dominants, that a pro-domme can never be a real domme. She’s just doing a job. She’s being paid, so she’s not really in control. It’s all a bunch of smoke and mirrors, and really she’s bored/submissive/exploited/powerless.
Possessors of this kind of viewpoint always bemuses me, as it seems so incredibly simple minded. It’s as if they can’t deal with multiple simultaneous concepts. It can both be a job and enjoyable. A session can involve financial exchange without precluding power exchange. She can offer a service without automatically giving up control of the situation, or how, when and who can experience it. People can be friends and have intense meaningful interactions whilst still retaining a professional relationship.
Personally if I’m doing something I don’t enjoy, then any minor issue turns into a distraction I’ll make use of. Forget blood gushing head wounds. I’ll take a stubbed toe or a tight muscle as a reason to give-up and go do something else. In contrast when I’m immersed in a situation then a small bomb blast may go unnoticed. As Lady Annisa says…
That’s what happens when you’re enjoying yourself, you just don’t notice the pain or you process it differently
Clearly, while she might have been getting paid for her time, she was also very much enjoying herself.
For an image to illustrate this post my thoughts turned to medical play and then in turn to Kami Tora. He’s always a good source for images of sadistic medical torments.
Here’s another outdoor shot with a spontaneous feel to it. Again there’s not a lot of kinky equipment or uniforms. Just a woman with a firm grip on the situation and a man casting a worried eye in a downward direction. Not sure where she’s taking him, but she’s clearly determined to get there quickly.
I’ve personally always enjoyed being pulled around in this way. You really have to anticipate what the domme is going to do. If you don’t stay in sync then she’s pulled off balance (which seems rude) and your genitals get a huge yank (which hurts). I’ve done dance steps like this, which given I’m a geeky British guy (3 categories not known for their funky moves), worked out about as well as you might expect (i.e. It hurt like hell).
I found this on the Cock Ball Torture tumblr site.
This shot first caught my eye for its dynamic spontaneous nature. It’s from a commercial site, but doesn’t feel overly produced. She’s not dressed in a particularly ridiculous outfit. There’s not a lot of kinky gear lying around. Just a woman having fun swinging a flogger and a naked man reacting to it.
However, on closer inspection I was kind of puzzled by his footwear. He’s naked guy getting beaten on in the great outdoors. Does he really need training shoes to protect his feet? It’s not a flattering look. Although maybe Nike has taken to sponsoring femdom material to make-up for Tiger’s numerous philanderings. I’ve heard that the BDSM endorphin high is similar to the high from long distance running, so there’s definitely cross over potential. Forget the Air Jordan, how about a Leather Isabella line of restraints?
Originally from Club Stiletto, I found this on the Felm Cyber tumblr site.
I find this an appealing image despite the ambiguity of it. Although possibly I like it because of the ambiguity.
The setting is unusual. With the big leather seats it looks like a gentleman’s club (of the old sort rather than the strip sort). The mostly naked brunette seems to be presenting herself, adopting a position of vulnerability, while the blonde inspects and caresses her. It’s the kind of image the viewer can project their own fantasies onto. I get a very sensuous D/s vibe from it, but that’s just my personal projection.
I found this on the Sex N Comics tumblr site. I’d love to know it’s original source, as it’s kind of an intriguing shot. It seems too explicit for a mainstream fashion shot, and yet too composed and restrained for a porn shot. Kink.com has the upper floor which is supposed to be a luxurious ‘Edwardian great house’ but their furnishings always look cheap and tacky compared to this.
Ferns over at Domme Chronicles has a new post up about how to deal with a submissive saying ‘no’ to a dominant’s instruction. For those in a lifestyle relationship it seems like a very useful and thoughtful post. Sadly I’m not in that situation currently. However, for some reason, I did think it was kind of hot. I realize that this response is peculiar even by my own warped standards. After all, it’s about how to deal with the D/s dynamic not working. Yet somehow, the calm methodical way Ferns approaches the issue is kind of sexy.
I should probably get out more. I don’t want to develop a relationship advice column fetish. Buying porn is one thing, but I’d hate to be get caught hiding a copy of Cosmo under the latest issue of Tranny Granny Spankathon.
Sadly I don’t have any pictures from that particular publication, so I’m going to my random grab-bag of images for something to accompany this post. I’m going to guess that ‘no’ wasn’t an issue for the young lady when it came time to shoot this particular scene.
Found on the She Knows What’s Best for Me tumblr site.